All 4 Births.

 

Follow the links below for each birth story.

Every story is unique and so special to us.

I hope they encourage you to fight for your own birth.

Ember

Ember

Ember

Elijah’s Birth 

River’s Birth

Ember’s Birth

Mika’s Birth

November 23 bump date

Philippians 4:4-8

4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

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Thank you, all for the prayers & messages.

They are felt and so appreciated. We feel so very carried as we walk a road I wouldn’t choose for myself  

And what I mean by that is, I’ve had healthy pregnancies without any hiccups. And this threw me at first because the first ER physicians assistant was a jerk. More afraid of germs than caring about being a decent human being. She judged us for our homebirth past choices and current plans. 

But since then, we have had endless prayers and so much love poured out over this baby’s precious life. And we are eternally grateful. And we know that this baby’s story is powerful and he or she has a mighty purpose. Just as out other children do as well. 

The specialist released us but also left it up to us as to how to move forward. And we decided to see her again to continue to check my healing & baby’s growth.

Our scans showed that my body is healing. Which means, a healthy diet, the right supplements, rest & a simple slow life is exactly what we need right now.

We have always walked out our homebirth plans with the contingency that if there was ever true solid evidence we would adjust the plan. We will do what is the safest for everyone. And for now, that is monitoring & praising God as I heal.

I do know that cookie cutter care that is one size fits all and being told we have to do XYZ or sign forms declining doesn’t feel right. I’ll be honest- Point blank being told that I need to be checked for syphilis is demeaning. But that’s the standard of care. Everyone gets checked or has to decline it and sign. There wasn’t a question of “do you want STD screening” it was “we will check for syphilis”. 

Hmm yeah no you won’t.

And I refuse to be treated that way. And I refuse to mask in labor. Which is why we will keep our plans for homebirth unless the concrete EVIDENCE says otherwise.  

Yesterday’s scans confirmed what I already knew, the baby is growing and thriving. 

I don’t hold much stock in measurements being exact but baby is average size and in the 40th percentile. Again scans aren’t 100%. And my history dictates that we can either have a baby close to 9lbs or a 7lb baby. The genetics are there for either. And my body has managed to birth them all quite easily. 

We are so excited to meet him or her!

Sometimes our walk with Jesus isn’t one where we can look far off into the distance. Often times it’s one day at a time. And that is where we are right now. Rejoicing in the good news & remaining hopeful for the road ahead.

When everything has healed this sweet baby will be welcomed into our home in a 100°F pool of water just as our other babies have been  with the loving guidance of family and our midwife  

If any concrete evidence arises that justifies a different choice, rest assured we will make the right decision. 

#homebirth #babynumber5 #holzhauerpartyof6 #whynothome #homebody #22weeks #pregnancy #pregnant #bumpdate 

Be your own expert.

This concept is a huge passion of mine.

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Many of you know we’ve had to seek dual care this pregnancy. For the situation at hand it’s the wise option.

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But I’ll tell you this, the words on the post hold so true. It wasn’t until our 4th visit that anyone even asked my pregnancy history. I found it strange that these so called experts were providing pregnancy care but had not taken the few minutes to ask me how many babies I’ve birthed & how long I carried each and their birth stats etc.

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And even more sad, I wasn’t surprised that they hadn’t asked. And that’s a shame. 

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And when we saw a specialist the nurse said “is this your first baby”? I said “nope my 5th pregnancy & 4th living”. And she said “Oh wow”. The nurse looked shocked that I know everything about my pregnancies, births & babies. I hold that knowledge in my mind because it’s important to me. Who else is going to remember? 

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But prior to that, the only history they had in my chart was “quit smoking”. So I also made them change that to say how long I smoked and when I quit (2009). The chart made it sound like I just quit because of being pregnant.

I say all of this to explain why I’m so passionate about being your own expert. And finding others who will care for you in a loving & respectful manner.

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This is why we choose homebirth and midwifery care. The love, prayer, support & acceptance is priceless. 

October 15th Update

 Alright! 

A quick update:

The complication is still visible. But our OB is very hopeful now that she saw an updated scan.

10/26 we will see a maternal fetal medicine specialist just to dot our i’s and cross our T’s. Many who have similar situations don’t do this but she is available and we feel it’s best to have her see an updated scan that day.

That will be our anatomy scan. We will not be finding out gender  

On ultrasound today (10/15) the baby is healthy and everything looks good as far as he or she is concerned.

The worry for the doctors was that the placenta would become compromised. But the scan today showed that it is not what’s happening.

Here is how you can pray:

Pray for total healing. . 

Pray for our children, being on light duty and needing to rest has been hard for them. Elijah has been such a huge help. We are giving everyone rewards/prizes as they’ve all taken on more than their normal share of house chores. 

Pray that we can remain content taking this day by day. There’s no need to get ahead of ourselves. This is a journey of daily abiding in Jesus on a level we’ve not ever had to do  we don’t want to miss the lessons & blessings God has in store. There’s a story here worth telling.

Pray for my blood to do it’s job in the healing. All of my numbers look great. Surprisingly the best they’ve ever looked as far as my iron levels are concerned. It must be all the spaghetti sauce meals & cheeseburgers lately 😂 Usually I have to work hard to maintain them. Which has always worked but this time they are wonderful.  

Thank you for your prayers and being on this journey with us. 

And thank you for respecting our privacy. I’ve prayed a lot about what to share & how much etc. And for now, this feels like the best way.

What we are dealing with has a label. It’s in my chart. But as far as the public and this forum, I am keeping that information close. 

Our society lives on labels. Positive labels are wonderful but I don’t want to give too much attention to the negative. 

Please speak positively and use words of healing. That’s what God wants us to do, I can feel it.

“But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.”

‭‭James‬ ‭3:8-12‬ 

Jesus is Our Guide

“He will shelter you with his wings; you will find safety under his wings. His faithfulness is like a shield or a protective wall.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:4‬

On October 6th at 16 weeks along, ER doctors found a minor pregnancy complication. I am not naming it or giving myself a negative label because I refuse to carry it as my own. It isn’t mine. It isn’t our baby’s either. I have done all the recommendations & will continue to do so in order to physically do my part to enable a healthy womb world for the baby.

This precious baby is bouncing around in utero happy & healthy as can be. He or she looks so joyful on the ultrasound. I thought of the Bible verse about John the Baptist leaping in his mother’s womb when Jesus -in Mary’s womb- was near.

Please pray for today as we go in for a follow up at 1:30 Cst. We are praying for healing & believing that God our Father is with us every step of the way no matter what.  And we will always trust that He is writing our story.

Pray for:

Strength. 

Courage. 

Wisdom.

Truth.

The womb is a secret place, a place where God is in control. 

We believe as the Bible says that the power of life & death is in the tongue. As Christ’s own, we have been given a calling to speak life. And that is why I won’t be labeling myself in any negative way as the mainstream medical world does. I’ll heed advice & use my brain but spiritually speaking, I refuse to allow fear into my soul. I want to walk this out with wisdom & truth. I refuse to be bullied or coerced into anything unnecessary. And that’s what we need the most prayer over. The strength to stand up for our baby & ourselves.

Karilynn reminded me of a favorite saying this week, “No is a complete sentence.” Over the last 18 months, much has changed. While receiving care, we’ve already had to say NO to the *you know what* several times - that’s a topic in & of itself. But I will say this, ANY care provider pushing that onto a woman carrying LIFE (or anyone) doesn’t have OUR best interest in mind. I will not waver on that stance. 

And the vibe inside the walls of the clinic has been full of fear from the enemy but that will not permeate our lives because Jesus is the King of our hearts. God is in control & He gets the final word.

All week as I’ve rested & prayed I’ve felt God so near. And heard Him say, “be yourself. Be who I made you to be. I have given you a voice & a mind that you have filled full of knowledge. You are prepared & ready.”

God also reminded me that over the years, that same knowledge has helped many women fight for the pregnancy & birth they deserve using grace, love & evidence based truth. And with that knowledge I can & I will help our family & bring Glory to God.

We will do whatever it takes to be safe & use the medical evidence we are given to make wise decisions.

This journey is God leading me where my feet would NEVER wander. And I know it’s because the medical system needs Jesus now more than ever before. I don’t want to miss whatever He has planned along this path. 

Never forget that anyone holding power over you & shoving fear into your mind, doesn’t want you to be educated & know the truth. That’s why they talk down to you & make you feel helpless. But we are called to be ambassadors of truth. The truth of Jesus & any other loving truth that needs to be declared.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know how we should pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes on behalf of the saints according to God’s will. And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose,”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26-28‬ ‭

What do I prefer?

I’ve been thinking about walking my life out with Jesus. What does it look like? What does it feel like? 

My brain doesn’t naturally go to, “what will others think”? It’s why I’m able to be bold in the name of truth. My brain isn’t wired to care about what anyone else might think. So just for “fun”, every now and then I contemplate this concept. I do so, out of a place of wanting to understand what other people go through. I have compassion for others because we cannot help how our brains are wired. God designs them and our unique life experiences mold our brain functions. Diversity of personalities is vital to life on earth. 

 People whose brains DO wonder what others think, I seek to understand. Where other people’s minds lead them is important to grasp in order to have well rounded relationships. Perhaps it sounds silly or weird as you read this, but again, I don’t worry about what others think as they read the thoughts I share.

Okay so where am I going with this?  Ive been thinking about doing what is right vs. doing what I’d actually want to do, the selfish thing, the “me centered” thing etc. And God reminded me of these two verses:

1 Corinthians 1:18 

For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭2:20‬ 

Encountering Jesus and being changed, redeemed on a soul level is beautiful and healing. And then there is this other societal thing that occurs, it doesn’t drown out or diminish the contentment in my soul, but it exists nonetheless. And it will never go away. We must learn how to combat it with love. The societal concept I’m referring to is this, we are rejected and ignored by the world. Jesus followers are made fun of, we are bullied, we are made into caricatures, we are slandered and the list goes on. Everyone knows it happens and yet it is ignored. 

But here is what remains, the Cross. The empty cross. It remains. It stands in our souls against all the rest. Because we know our Savior lives. We know he concurred death. We know because we are changed on the inside. And so, we press on understanding that the Cross changes everything for anyone who truly understands it deep in their soul. 

We set aside what we prefer, which includes many things. We set aside our preference to be treated fairly and kindly, we set aside our selfish desires, we set aside our flesh, we set aside earthly and unhealthy momentary pleasures. We set aside our want to be understood. 

Wouldn’t anyone prefer to be treated fairly? Don’t we all prefer a life where we aren’t made fun of and slandered? But after encountering Jesus, those preferences no longer drive our existence on earth. What drives us, is a beautiful desire to see others experience and know Jesus for themselves. 

Understanding the cross means replacing our wants with what is right. We choose to love because God is love. We stare adversity and earthly condemnation about how we worship, and how we live in the face because Jesus dwells within us. We can stand firm because of Jesus.

Jesus said it best:

““If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. He who hates Me hates My Father also. If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, ‘They hated Me without a cause.’”

‭‭John‬ ‭15:18-25‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

This is also a great bunch of verses:

“For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: “Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness— by whose stripes you were healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”

‭‭I Peter‬ ‭2:20-25‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

 

Logic and theft

 Here’s a fun little anecdote about logic and theft. Critical thinking is an important skill to have  

When I was a foolish teen, I stole earrings from Target. 

I was caught. 

It was my first offense. 

Being that I had no history of previous theft. They said, oh you don’t have a documented history of theft on your record so there’s no way you could’ve done this.

I had only taken a few pairs of earrings. They also let me know that the only way that theft can be proven is when every earring is stolen at the same time. Because people don’t prioritize their stealing. It’s all or nothing when it comes to thievery. 

JUST KIDDING. 

First time offenders are still guilty of offense. 

And when people steal, they know they can’t steal everything because that would look absolutely ridiculously suspicious. It would also be an impossible goal to obtain. 

TRUE STORY. 

PS-

But here is the good news. 

Jesus redeems and restores what once was broken. He takes our foolish teenage mistakes and turns them into beautiful stories of redemption.