Here are some of the frequently asked questions to which, I Most often I just reply with "Well, we aren't preventing pregnancy". That way we can just move on to another subject.
"How many children do you guys want? / Do you want to have more children?"
This is often the way that people try to gently ask if we are going to have more children. Or if we are trying to have more. The answer is, we aren't preventing children from occurring. So we will welcome as many as God gives us.
"He's getting so big! That's when you know it's time for another"
Oh golly, thanks. We stopped preventing children in JUNE 2014 and a baby clearly hasn't happened. And we are both doing our best to have patience, trust God, and remember His plan is greater than our plan. But that also doesn't mean we haven't been sad at times over the past almost year. It only took once and Elijah happened. We assumed that would happen again. And it hasn't.
"Are you pregnant?"
No. I just like the topic of pregnancy, birth and child rearing. I also love to pin maternity photos and cool things related to pregnancy, labor and birth. But just because I do that, it doesn't mean I'm pregnant.
"What about another baby?"
I never know exactly what to say. I've been saying "we don't prevent". Simple. Short. Sweet. Lately, the questions have been making me pretty sad. I often go home and cry in the shower and ask God to help my heart feel okay.
"You have three dogs, isn't it time for a baby??"
Refer to previous answer..
"Instead of getting more pets, you should have another baby!"
Refer to previous answer...
"It's about baby time isn't it?"
Refer to previous comment...
"Elijah needs a sibling to play with!"
He has friends, dogs, cats, chickens, and a bunny. Whenever another baby happens, we will welcome that child with open arms. Until then, we are truly enjoying our present life. It really is turning into a lovely dream like existence. A little homestead in progress, a fourwheeler, pets, trees and space to explore! Kaleb and I have been working on our marriage and learning and growing. Life is a process. And just because another child hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean we don't want one and it doesn't mean we are preventing them.
I truly know that people do not mean any harm by asking these questions. I don't blame them for how the words make me feel. It is my personal journey. But the questions are hard to answer some days.
I would also like to say, avoid these questions when you don't know someone very well. You really never know what someone is dealing with behind closed doors. A woman may have just lost a baby or is unable to have children. I avoid these questions now when first getting to know someone. I have been practicing just getting to know a person's heart.
Elijah is a beautiful child inside and out. He is kind, compassionate, wild, loud, brilliant, goofy, joyful and caring. I don't ever want him to feel like he isn't enough. He has made me a mother. God specifically knit him together in my womb and I will be forever grateful. It is a gift beyond measure to be sitting in the recliner with him while I type this. He is better and more amazing than any person I ever could have imagined as my child. I praise God for Elijah's life.
Yes, we want to have a big family, but we also want to be mindful of what God wants for us as a family. He knows something we don't know. And I WILL be okay with that and I find peace in knowing He has a plan. But that doesn't leave me without emotion and about grieving the plans I had for MY life. We all like to make plans and think our plans will always work out perfectly the way we want. But sometimes, they don't. And I don't want that to take away from my current life. I have been feeling my emotions as they arise and being mindful of how desperately I want more kids. But I also want to be fully aware that God hears me and knows my heart. And I am not alone in this also, Kaleb wants more children also. So together we have to face what God has planned for us, whatever that may be.
Desert Song by Hillsong United always helps my heart remember what is important...
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
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