I can't call you fat so why do you think you can call me skinny??
First of all, let me say, I am amazed at the human body. It's incredible. It is so intricately woven together. It holds on and wants to work properly even when we abuse it. And in a woman's case, it stretches and changes and houses a baby. It is phenomenal.
I took this photo and made the collage for throwback Thursday on Instagram. Then I got nervous. I wasn't going to share this photo because I'm not very happy with my body right now. Despite eating tons of healthy food and a little bit of not so healthy food, I seem to have gotten back down to a "skinny" weight. That dreaded word has popped back up again. And people continuously say, "Wow, you're skinny again!" "A BABY came out of that SKINNY body, no Way!"
They even go as far as grabbing my rib cage or waste as they say the words!
Yes, that's right, to us girls who are thin, being called skinny is a dig at our self-image. It is hurtful. It isn't kind or loving. For me, it has always been said as a joke. "Girl, do you ever eat?" "Are you anorexic?" "Skinny girls like you couldn't understand".
This is something I have struggled with since I became self aware; And especially during those dreaded high school years. I was rail thin and awkward. It is the opposite of most women's weight problems. I eat and eat and I can't keep the weight on. It isn't a medical condition. I have been checked and rechecked for any disorder that could cause weight issues. And I've been accused of eating disorders on a few separate occasions.
It's hard to do physical activity in the winter but I've been exercising in my home. That way I have some muscle tone.
Now let me make myself clear. I am not at all complaining about the weight loss. I am simply discussing my struggles with being called out for my size.
It is a double standard. People, can look at me and say whatever they feel. And trust me, they do. Usually, the words are coming out of the mouth of an overweight person.
But I cannot do the same to them. Can you imagine if I did? Simply, replace the word skinny from my above quotes with the word fat. I feel it is the counterpart to the word skinny. (I think the word thin is the counterpart for the word overweight. A little less rude but still not kind or nice to say.) Imagine if I saw someone, an acquaintance at the grocery store and I said, "Wow, you are looking fat!" And as I said it, I poked them.
Imagine how that scenario would pan out? It would be awkward and terrible. I don't think I have to type out all of the different scenarios. But why is it that people can say whatever they feel to "skinny" individuals.
I hesitated to post this photo of myself to my Facebook & Instagram today (me at 36 weeks pregnant and me today). But then I thought, no, THIS is my body. This is who God made me to be. I cannot help it. My body regulates itself at a lower than average weight. And I am sick and tired of apologizing for that or feeling ashamed.
This is me. Some things about ourselves, we CAN change and we can learn to grow and mature away from things.
Behavioral things.
Anxieties.
Fears.
Bad habits.
Compulsions.
BUT this, this I cannot change. And for several years now, I have been ok with my body. But now as a wife (who is busy raising an energetic 11 month old boy) with a new body- I find myself starting over again. And I find myself afraid to post photos to social media simply because I know someone will say that dreaded S word. And being out in public is just as bad.
As if I can't see myself. As if I don't know what my body looks like.
Each of us, needs to first be content in who God made us to be. We need to of course treat our bodies as a temple and be healthy. But that desire comes from within, from a firm foundation.
For me, it comes from Jesus and His sacrificial love.
