Newborn life is easy. *gasp* Did she just say what I think she did?

Proverbs 31:25-30

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” ...

When you're pregnant people tell you, enjoy sleep while you can. I don't say that to pregnant women. You know why? Because being the mother of a newborn is easy. Yup, I said it. (keep reading to understand my point) It's a walk in the park with a cool breeze and a sweet tea in hand. Sleeping when the baby sleeps was phenomenal. Cosleeping, nursing round the clock, and endless snuggles was bliss. Sure there were lots of diaper changes and blowouts. The baby might cry or need some special attention. They may be colicky. 

As the mother, you may have to give up some things to create a solid nursing relationship. I had to give up dairy. I do not drink caffeine, haven't since 2009. I had to give up citrus, garlic, onions, peppers, pretty much every spice, salt, refined sugars and tomatoes. And I'm probably forgetting some things. But it was all worth it. And it wasn't hard. It was necessary. 

We create these children by having sex do we not? Is it their fault they exist? No. They didn't choose it. We did. Our choices created them. Then they arrive & often they are not put first. And then, their needs aren't properly met & their behavior changes for the worst and they cry too much and don't sleep through the night. They want to be held and how dare they act hungry all the time! How dare they take up our time! People act as if babies are manipulating the situation. When really they are just desperately needing things that only a mother can give! 

I tell mothers to enjoy being pregnant for you don't know what the future holds. It could be the only chance you get to experience it. I tell them, to enjoy the newborn and forget about the dishes. Cause guess what? It's been 30+ months and the dishes still get dirty. But having that precious time with Elijah is irreplaceable. I don't have to sit here with regrets or guilt about anything in regards to his development and how grounded & bonded he is to me and Kaleb. Which carries over into how grounded he is in life. He knows, in the night that we are near. He has never had to be away from the safety of his parents. 

Yes, in America we value sleep. Because we have these perfectly orchestrated, timed out lived. And babies interfere with the schedule. How dare they not conform!! An infant doesn't need a schedule. You know what they need? They need the constant presence of their mother. They need to sleep on her chest, hear her heartbeat, smell her, and feel her warmth. 

I tell mothers to enjoy newborn life because now I sit here and I'm exhausted. Being the mom of an extraordinary 2.5 year old little boy involves every emotion, everyday. It's beautiful. It's messy. It's fast. It's slow. It's in-between. It's spiritual. It's joyful. It's educational. Its hard. It's everything. It takes a skill set that is developed over time. The newborn stage, if approached naturally and without the American pathetic ideals in mind, is easy. Because it doesn't take thought, as much as it takes action. It takes being there. It takes sacrifice, yes. But the baby is immobile! They can't go anywhere! They can climb trees at warp speed, or run away or yell "no mama"!! Newborns need to be nourished, changed and HELD! Toddlers need everything. They are developing so many skill sets that will be theirs for a lifetime. And it's my job as full time mom to continue to nurture and guide Elijah so he is the best possible version of himself. The version that the Lord God intended when He knit him together in my womb. 

I tell mothers to soak up their newborn. Breath them in, let them be on your skin all the time and don't ever let society tell you the baby is a burden. Don't ever let them make you feel like your baby doesn't act right or perform according to the idiotic standards of modern day America. Because simply existing, the baby is doing exactly what he/she knows how to do. It's our job to give them their needs. They need us. 

 I am far more tired now then I ever was when Elijah was a baby. Babyhood is easy. Hold tight to that and enjoy every second!

Always

I will never be done sharing how Jesus has changed me. And made me new. And taken away the guilt and pain and shame of my past. And how the joy of The Lord has filled my heart. 

I was never trying to fight. 

Simply spreading hope to anyone who wants it.

But I've put in the effort. The daily renewing of my mind. Daily finding new ways to see beauty. 

I also had to make choices. Stop drinking and smoking and doing drugs and openly and blatantly sinning and being vulgar and gross. 

All my choices lead me down a dark path. And then by God's grace, I couldn't take it anymore and I chose to let God have my heart instead of the world. 

Those choices and the knowledge of knowing that every day is a new day and Jesus loves and forgives me when I stumble, all of it together has lead me to here and now. 

It isn't something that magically happened over night. And it wasn't by chance. I sought hard and still do. 

I chose to stop the party life and choose to go to church and praise God. And listen to Bible teachers. And truly repent and let my heart be softened. 

It isn't something I take lightly. 

But it is something, I love sharing. And I love helping other people find a relationship with Jesus. It's what life is all about.

Fight

Tragic events should make us sit back and take stock of our lives. 

They should make us pull our blinders off and really look around.

 Maybe, we should be nice to the cashier at Walmart or smile at a toddler as he waves violently and smiles and says hi hi hi. 

Or I don't know, maybe look at the people around us and take the grimaced off of our faces. 

When we bump into someone, we should say excuse me. We should stop driving with such intense rage. 

As we go about our day to day lives, we should be paying attention for every opportunity to share God's love in whatever way, shape or form we can. Life is short and we take it for granted. We also walk around ignoring the fact that their is an evil one lurking, waiting in the darkness. And he wants us to stay in our selfish comfort zone. He wants us to ignore the people around us. He wants hurting people to feel isolated. He wants to trick them into thinking that they aren't loved and that death is the answer. Then he sits back and laughs as everyone left behind is in pain. And he feels like he has accomplished something great. But those of us who have Satans number, those of us who know his tricks, we can be the light. Darkness must flee in the presence of light.  We can continue to wage war against evil. We can love our neighbors and be kind to our enemies. And we can make Satan quiver and keep his demons in hell where they belong. 

Instead of wishing peace to someone who is no longer breathing, we should be bringing peace to our communities. We should be praying for the people still on earth who are broken. We should be embracing one another. We should be claiming our cities in Jesus' name. We should be blessing our fellow man. 

We should fight for life. 

Sleep

Our journey 

This topic is a minefield. That much I know is true. 

But now that we have made it past the first year & sleep is attainable a lot more often these days, I thought I would write out some of my findings and beliefs about sleep. 

Proverbs 3:24

If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Psalm 4:8 

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

There is so much pressure to get your baby to be a "good sleeper". This pressure starts almost immediately after you give birth. At least it did for me. Usually, the very first question someone asks me about our son is something similar to, "Is he a good sleeper?" 

To which I always reply "Yes, yes he is". Because, frankly, it isn't any of their business how our child sleeps. It is just the question people ask to compare and throw advice at new mothers. It is a parenting grading scale. Because clearly, if your child isn't sleeping properly, you are a huge failure as a parent. Right? 

Wrong!

What is a good sleeper anyways? 

A baby who sleeps all night? 

A baby who goes to bed easily? 

A baby who sleeps 10 -12 hours straight? 

I have found that in our culture, it is all of the above. And to that notion, I roll my eyes and scoff. Because I refuse to label my child. I won't do it. I refuse to say

 "he always _____"

 "he never ______"

 "he is a bad sleeper" etc. 

As soon as we start labeling, those labels seep into the child's identity. And it becomes part of who they are. We continuously repeat negative phrases as if they are absolutes. When logically, humans are fluid. Meaning that if we are searching and learning and striving for change & maturity, we do change. We can grow mentally. 

Children are constantly changing. Isn't that why childhood is so precious? Because it is so short? So why do we expect consistency when their little bodies are growing so rapidly? It is said that a newborn grows, on average, a millimeter a DAY! Their neurons and synapses are firing so rapidly! And their tiny bodies grow and grow! 

With children comes a type of beautiful, messy chaos full of love. At least, that is how I see it. I see them as people. People that do NOT need a perfected strict schedule. With tight schedules, there often is no room for fun or spontaneity. And children need love, fun, guidance, and discipline. But above all they need love. They need to feel secure and safe before they can ever truly understand love. Each child has a specific way they need to be loved. Just as adults have love languages, children do as well. 

Since, I am staying home to raise our child(ren), K left it up to me to figure out what to do with E in regards to sleep. As far as sleep scheduling or non-scheduling is concerned, I have prayed and sought out all of the information on sleep that I could find. And after compiling it all together, my conclusion was, attachment parenting is natural. Any other type of parenting doesn't appear to meet a child's needs on all levels. And in time I trusted the process and I knew Elijah would sleep through the night when his body was ready. Babies do not have the same sleep patterns as adults. 

Go figure? Who knew! (I jest)

His body will find it's own circadian rhythm {more info}. Each child is different. To expect babies to sleep through the night is cruel. It is putting expectations on them that aren't healthy; Especially, separate of breastmilk. A mother's milk has sleep inducing hormones in it. And those hormones increase in relation to the mother's circadian rhythm (night and day). 

Sure, we can force sleep to happen and most children will adapt and succumb to the sleep regimen. And then we sit back and say how good of a sleeper they are, FINALLY! As if, until that glorious moment they were failing as a human being and our child. They were causing us stress. 

How dare they do that? How dare our brand new child be a lot of work. 

After being on the planet for less than a month we are already comparing them to other babies, and expecting them to not need us. Personally, I like that Elijah needs me. I enjoy every moment he needs reassurance. The more I researched, I found that confidence and security go hand in hand with how a child is allowed to sleep. We are mammals and we need close contact. From the moment we are born we crave it. And as parents, if we don't meet that emotional need for our infants, the child misses out. Babies do have feelings. How do we think a child feels if they are left alone in a crib to cry? Is it building trust??

No. It can create negative lasting effects. These effects can range from behavioral issues to anxiety to depression to desperation for love. It is important that we let our children attach to us.

We sit here and we speak for our babies, saying how much they like what we force them to do, in regards to sleep. Obviously they can't communicate and tell us their feelings. Instead they whine or pout or in some cases they internalize the emotions until they are older and then LOOKOUT. All because this American way of life calls for perfect sleep and perfect schedules. 

It is nonsense to expect each newborn to fit into a little tiny made up box. Was that box created with the child's emotions, growth, health or brain development in mind? 

No, it was created because of our busy lives. And from the moment a child is born, they are expected to adapt to this insane American lifestyle. A lifestyle that is go go go! And our precious sleep is very important because we have so much to do! 

It is so easy to get sucked in to the notion that if my child isn't sleeping through the night by 6 months old, I am doing everything wrong. But it isn't natural for them to sleep all night. 

And yes, waiting for E's body to regulate itself has come with sacrifices. K goes to bed when he needs to and I go to bed when Elijah gets sleepy. 

I could sit and fight and fight for control. I could make myself crazy trying to force our child to bed. Or, I could play & tickle & laugh & wrestle and get him good and tired. And then his body finds it's own rhythm. It isn't exactly the same every day. But neither is our growing son. 

Sometimes I can tell, his brain is moving so fast, his body struggles to calm down. Which means, I am not going to force sleep on him. Because it would be a form of torture. I stimulate his brain and give him the attention and affection he is craving. 

Incorporating essential oils into our night time "routine" is helpful. But those oils alone don't do the trick, they help after a full day of activity & night time breast feeding. 

If I get in a frenzy about sleep, which I have, then Elijah struggles to sleep. I don't even have to externalize my worries, even though, that is nearly impossible. Especially, when it comes to anxieties and worries that shouldn't be there. Those worries and anxious thoughts can translate to our son. I can tell he feels it in his soul. But when I stay calm inside of myself, when I find rest for my soul through prayer and Jesus' arms, E is calm. He sleeps better too!

If I let myself get worked up, if I compare Elijah to other children, if I fight against the natural way things unfold, if I try to hurry life along, I am not in sync with God's plan for our lives. I am trying to make my own plan. I start to think I know best. 

God created time and He created the natural order of things on earth. He created a baby's sleep pattern. God created it all. 

Who am I to argue with that? 

If I sit here and preach that God is in control but I take it upon myself to force my child to sleep before his body is ready, doesn't that defeat what I preach in the first place??

This post was fueled by last night. E slept 7 straight hours. I feel rested. He appears rested. It is wonderful. Now, here is the catch 22, I do not expect him to sleep that way tonight or tomorrow night. I take each day as it comes. His body does regulate in his own time. 

I sit here thankful for last night.

In the end, when I let go of my worries and let go of the control I like to have, in time, things come together as they should. They come together as God intended. 

Proverbs 14:30

30 A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.

Philippians 4:6 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Psalm 55:22

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

1 Peter 5:618 

6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.…

Galatians 6:10

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Romans 12:9

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.