The ONE thing

 I will never stop asking this. When is the magical unicorn day this mass hysteria stops? 

15 days turned into 30 that now turned into almost 6 months of constant lies & manipulation.  

Do people not see that the haters of America have found the ONE thing that people are willing to roll with to lose freedoms?? They’ve been looking for that THING since America was founded. 

This is it. Anyone dissenting is called selfish because this is about safety.  They found the ONE thing that cancelled EASTER Ecclesia for almost everyone. They found the thing to start attacking the CHURCH! And they are doing it right out in the open. And most people are okay with it because it’s about safety. Think about it, many states are dictating how many people can attend church! In America, not everyone can attend church that wants to and that is despicable.

And for some reason because it’s about health, no one sees that it’s the same exact tactics as any other slow take over/fade into communism. Because they’ve manipulated the masses with “forced” well visits and false medical doctrine for decades. They have slowly made Americans believe that doctors are all FOR you & your health. All Doctors know more than other people about health. They have ALL the answers. It is a religion. And any doctor who has ideas that differ from the collective, is silenced  

Health Experts would never walk into the Oval Office and LIE about numbers and death in order to change America fundamentally! Oh no they are all caring and full of heart and love for all life and they don’t have any agendas. They’d never try and gain more power or help their friends. Oh no. They wouldn’t follow their own political ideologies ABOVE the well being of millions of Americans. They wouldn’t force mass shutdowns and ignore the suicides, substance abuse and depression. They wouldn’t stand in front of the American people and spit lies in order to get their power and money back to their elite friends. People don’t like power or control right? And people definitely don’t work together to take over countries and control the masses, right? 

Do you love America for giving us our God given rights? There’s no where else we can have them.

Also, have you ever heard the stories of Christians in other countries meeting even when it’s illegal? Have you been proud of those Christians for doing what is right? If you have, this is the same exact situation. But remember they found the ONE thing that most people can get behind because of their ingrained, medical belief system/doctrine.

Do you watch the stories of immigrants who fled COMMUNISM and feel anything? Feel moved or start weeping? Because I do. Maximo Alvarez said it best “there’s no where else to go”. Imagine the PTSD this is triggering in any immigrant who actually watched their country erode into communism. 

My Nonna as a young girl fled with Nuns to North Africa to escape the Nazi’s in Italy. She watched her brother lose his life by stepping on a bomb. She always says, when she hears a politician speak about redistributing wealth or higher taxes or welfare etc, and says, “that’s communist. They want control.”

Just because this isn’t about removing a people group from their homes and carting them off, this is the SAME beginning threats. Think about what is happening and really play it out in your mind. They have task forces to check for mask dissenters. But again, because it’s about safety and health, people refuse to see the signs. 

Please please Go learn about how the other countries changed. And please learn the difference between a Constitutional Republic & a Democracy. Because I sure as heck don’t want to live in a democracy - which is one step closer to socialism/communism.

We are either free or we are not. And I choose freedom. A freedom given to us by God that others died to protect. Imagine what they would say if they knew we CLOSED our churches! Imagine what they’d say if they saw us ignoring the communism that is creeping in. Imagine what they’d say if they saw people so divided over this topic of FREEDOM. 

NOW IS WHEN WE STAND. 

IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN?

My journey to Surrender

I want to share my journey to Baby #2. I hope that it brings anyone who reads it to a place of peace. But more importantly, I pray it shows you that surrendering to the God of the universe is always worth it. I will explain what I mean later on.

Let's back up to JUNE 2014.

Kaleb and I had been praying and feeling like we should let God plan our family. And we both want several more children. So we decided to let things unfold naturally. But, if I'm honest I wanted a baby to happen soon.

July, August, September, October, November, all went by and no baby. I thought, no big deal, we will just keep going. But I was starting to get sad.

January, nope.
February, my monthly was late, nut nope, I wasn't pregnant.

Over winter last year is when I really started to feel sad. I wondered why it wasn't happening. Part of this sadness was because things happened right away with Elijah.

But God had a different journey for me. I remember driving one day, this summer and praying and talking to God. And in all seriousness, my thoughts and words were coming from an angry place, a sad place; from a "why me? Why are you doing this God? What I want isn't bad, I just want a baby" My heart was whiny and I had dug my spiritual heals in. I did not want to budge.

Plain and simple.

That day, I remember so clearly, I wish I would've written down the date. I believe it was in May 2015. God impressed these words into my mind, "Why aren't you content? If Elijah is your only child is that good enough? It should be."

BAM.

God has a way of getting right to the point. He knows me perfectly. I knew the words were from God, because my own mind would never think of them, not in a million years. They brought me to my knees (metaphorically of course as I was driving). I wept in the car. I had gotten so caught up in my own pity party that I hadn't wanted to surrender to God's ultimate plan.


For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Psalm 100:5


If I know God is good because the Bible tells me just that, then why was I arguing?


The other big revelation I had was that the journey to surrendering means more when it's been difficult. And what I mean by that is, only if we've been resisting God's will and insisting we know best, only then does it mean a great deal to let go of our plans and soften our hearts and trust in God.


I wept that day in the car for two reasons. One was a feeling of embarrassment for my childish words to God. But the other reason is hard to explain. I looked at Elijah in his car seat and was thankful. This boy of ours is a wonderful child. He is exactly what our family needed in 2013 and he continues to be exactly what our world needs now. How could I not be okay with him being my only child? Many women don't get the chance to carry a child of their own.



In the car that day, I said,
Okay God,
1. I'm sorry for my selfish mindset.
2. Today, I move forward. I surrender. I let go of my plans. And I will wait on you.

He says, 

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalm 46:10


I was going to choose to be still and rest in knowing, the same God who created the world, who sent His son to die in my place for my sins, will take care of me and my heart. I also decided to pray every day for a child. I was so caught in being sad I hadn't been praying daily for a baby. I struggle and often think it annoys God to pray for the same things over and over. That is my own human nature putting impatience and an unapproachable personality onto God. When He doesn't hold those qualities.


this journey of patience and surrender has brought me ever so close to my Lord. It showed me, once again how God knew what I needed before I did. It showed me that being sad or mad or frustrated or angry are all OKAY emotions. We cannot help the emotions that arise within us. Nor does God want us to ignore them. What he wants is for us to bring those feelings to Him. When we do that we are less likely to act out in a sinful manner. We can leave our hearts and feelings in God's hands.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. I and the Father are one.
John 10:27-30


He is our Father in Heaven.
He sees me and He loves me.
He sees you and He loves you.
He sees us and He loves us.


He wants us to trust Him.


So often, we are afraid of negative feelings. I know I am. I think God will be displeased with me for being sad or angry. But He isn't. He is there and His grace abounds in our deepest struggles.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18


September 24, 2015 I was late. But, we had been here before and I prayed.
I said,
Okay, Lord, whatever the result, it's okay. The life you've laid before me is yours and I'm grateful. Help me to continue to be content.


PRAYER IS POWERFUL!
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.
1 Chronicles 16:11

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6



The test was positive!
I couldn't believe it!
What a beautiful surprise!


God had me walk a trial specifically tailored to who I am. It's hard to explain in words. But I look back and I needed to come to a humble place of surrender. It has deepened my relationship with the Lord and it has strengthened my daily walk with Jesus.


Side note:
The other major thing I learned from this: 1. DON'T randomly ask people when is baby #2 coming. If you have to ask, you obviously don't know the struggle the woman/couple has been facing.
2. And DO NOT say "it's about time." When someone announces another pregnancy. Just don't. It's hurtful if the people have lost a baby, miscarried or simply waited as I did.
All of or sadness is real. Be kind when you speak.


In the end---
The tears, the anger and the worry all served a purpose. How could I know peace and contentment without first being tormented and discontented?


I hope by reading this, you are encouraged. Whatever you are going through, wherever you are, God is near. He is waiting for you to talk to Him. He's not mad or disappointed. He is simply waiting for you.


This life may be difficult, tragedy occurs but God is constant through all things. He brings beauty out of ashes.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor
Isaiah 61:1-3


We are each given the life we have. God sets us in our families. It's our choice to choose Jesus and seek after Him.

My prayer is that by sharing my journey you are encouraged. I pray you seek Jesus and find the grace waiting for you.

This verse has been my mantra through this journey, God placed it on my heart a few weeks ago.

Psalm 30:11-12 “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.”


All my love,


Jenni

Sleep

Our journey 

This topic is a minefield. That much I know is true. 

But now that we have made it past the first year & sleep is attainable a lot more often these days, I thought I would write out some of my findings and beliefs about sleep. 

Proverbs 3:24

If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Psalm 4:8 

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

There is so much pressure to get your baby to be a "good sleeper". This pressure starts almost immediately after you give birth. At least it did for me. Usually, the very first question someone asks me about our son is something similar to, "Is he a good sleeper?" 

To which I always reply "Yes, yes he is". Because, frankly, it isn't any of their business how our child sleeps. It is just the question people ask to compare and throw advice at new mothers. It is a parenting grading scale. Because clearly, if your child isn't sleeping properly, you are a huge failure as a parent. Right? 

Wrong!

What is a good sleeper anyways? 

A baby who sleeps all night? 

A baby who goes to bed easily? 

A baby who sleeps 10 -12 hours straight? 

I have found that in our culture, it is all of the above. And to that notion, I roll my eyes and scoff. Because I refuse to label my child. I won't do it. I refuse to say

 "he always _____"

 "he never ______"

 "he is a bad sleeper" etc. 

As soon as we start labeling, those labels seep into the child's identity. And it becomes part of who they are. We continuously repeat negative phrases as if they are absolutes. When logically, humans are fluid. Meaning that if we are searching and learning and striving for change & maturity, we do change. We can grow mentally. 

Children are constantly changing. Isn't that why childhood is so precious? Because it is so short? So why do we expect consistency when their little bodies are growing so rapidly? It is said that a newborn grows, on average, a millimeter a DAY! Their neurons and synapses are firing so rapidly! And their tiny bodies grow and grow! 

With children comes a type of beautiful, messy chaos full of love. At least, that is how I see it. I see them as people. People that do NOT need a perfected strict schedule. With tight schedules, there often is no room for fun or spontaneity. And children need love, fun, guidance, and discipline. But above all they need love. They need to feel secure and safe before they can ever truly understand love. Each child has a specific way they need to be loved. Just as adults have love languages, children do as well. 

Since, I am staying home to raise our child(ren), K left it up to me to figure out what to do with E in regards to sleep. As far as sleep scheduling or non-scheduling is concerned, I have prayed and sought out all of the information on sleep that I could find. And after compiling it all together, my conclusion was, attachment parenting is natural. Any other type of parenting doesn't appear to meet a child's needs on all levels. And in time I trusted the process and I knew Elijah would sleep through the night when his body was ready. Babies do not have the same sleep patterns as adults. 

Go figure? Who knew! (I jest)

His body will find it's own circadian rhythm {more info}. Each child is different. To expect babies to sleep through the night is cruel. It is putting expectations on them that aren't healthy; Especially, separate of breastmilk. A mother's milk has sleep inducing hormones in it. And those hormones increase in relation to the mother's circadian rhythm (night and day). 

Sure, we can force sleep to happen and most children will adapt and succumb to the sleep regimen. And then we sit back and say how good of a sleeper they are, FINALLY! As if, until that glorious moment they were failing as a human being and our child. They were causing us stress. 

How dare they do that? How dare our brand new child be a lot of work. 

After being on the planet for less than a month we are already comparing them to other babies, and expecting them to not need us. Personally, I like that Elijah needs me. I enjoy every moment he needs reassurance. The more I researched, I found that confidence and security go hand in hand with how a child is allowed to sleep. We are mammals and we need close contact. From the moment we are born we crave it. And as parents, if we don't meet that emotional need for our infants, the child misses out. Babies do have feelings. How do we think a child feels if they are left alone in a crib to cry? Is it building trust??

No. It can create negative lasting effects. These effects can range from behavioral issues to anxiety to depression to desperation for love. It is important that we let our children attach to us.

We sit here and we speak for our babies, saying how much they like what we force them to do, in regards to sleep. Obviously they can't communicate and tell us their feelings. Instead they whine or pout or in some cases they internalize the emotions until they are older and then LOOKOUT. All because this American way of life calls for perfect sleep and perfect schedules. 

It is nonsense to expect each newborn to fit into a little tiny made up box. Was that box created with the child's emotions, growth, health or brain development in mind? 

No, it was created because of our busy lives. And from the moment a child is born, they are expected to adapt to this insane American lifestyle. A lifestyle that is go go go! And our precious sleep is very important because we have so much to do! 

It is so easy to get sucked in to the notion that if my child isn't sleeping through the night by 6 months old, I am doing everything wrong. But it isn't natural for them to sleep all night. 

And yes, waiting for E's body to regulate itself has come with sacrifices. K goes to bed when he needs to and I go to bed when Elijah gets sleepy. 

I could sit and fight and fight for control. I could make myself crazy trying to force our child to bed. Or, I could play & tickle & laugh & wrestle and get him good and tired. And then his body finds it's own rhythm. It isn't exactly the same every day. But neither is our growing son. 

Sometimes I can tell, his brain is moving so fast, his body struggles to calm down. Which means, I am not going to force sleep on him. Because it would be a form of torture. I stimulate his brain and give him the attention and affection he is craving. 

Incorporating essential oils into our night time "routine" is helpful. But those oils alone don't do the trick, they help after a full day of activity & night time breast feeding. 

If I get in a frenzy about sleep, which I have, then Elijah struggles to sleep. I don't even have to externalize my worries, even though, that is nearly impossible. Especially, when it comes to anxieties and worries that shouldn't be there. Those worries and anxious thoughts can translate to our son. I can tell he feels it in his soul. But when I stay calm inside of myself, when I find rest for my soul through prayer and Jesus' arms, E is calm. He sleeps better too!

If I let myself get worked up, if I compare Elijah to other children, if I fight against the natural way things unfold, if I try to hurry life along, I am not in sync with God's plan for our lives. I am trying to make my own plan. I start to think I know best. 

God created time and He created the natural order of things on earth. He created a baby's sleep pattern. God created it all. 

Who am I to argue with that? 

If I sit here and preach that God is in control but I take it upon myself to force my child to sleep before his body is ready, doesn't that defeat what I preach in the first place??

This post was fueled by last night. E slept 7 straight hours. I feel rested. He appears rested. It is wonderful. Now, here is the catch 22, I do not expect him to sleep that way tonight or tomorrow night. I take each day as it comes. His body does regulate in his own time. 

I sit here thankful for last night.

In the end, when I let go of my worries and let go of the control I like to have, in time, things come together as they should. They come together as God intended. 

Proverbs 14:30

30 A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.

Philippians 4:6 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Psalm 55:22

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

1 Peter 5:618 

6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.…

Galatians 6:10

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Romans 12:9

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.