Hind sight // God's plan

Joseph's story in the Bible is one of my favorites. Joseph must've been so scared to be sold into slavery. He must have been sad and angry many times through out his life. Because other people a used their power and hurt him.

It reminds me that hind sight is a funny thing. As we are in the midst of something painful, sad, confusing or frustrating (or all of the above) it's easy to forget about God. Or it's easy to think he's forgotten me. But that's our flesh and that's me attributing human characteristics to God. People let us down. People forget us. But God. God does not. He just doesn't. And when we look back after the hard time has passed, if we've been following God through it, we can see all the beauty he revealed. We can look back and see His hand was over us the entire time. There was a point to the suffering. And there was a purpose for the pain. It molds us and changes us and stretches us to new depths. His plan and His will for my life is good. 

There is always hope.

READ THIS, AND TELL ME THERE IS NO HOPE FOR PEOPLE BATTLING DEPRESSION----

ROMANS 8:1-39

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:1-39 NIV)

Being a mother||What I have learned.

I wanted to list all of the things I have learned during the past 8 months.

I have learned: 

1. ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING 

I believe I already knew this prior to being Elijah's mom, however, it has become even more clear. If I say I can, I will succeed. This goes for everything in life. It is very very true in regards to breastfeeding. 

2. I LOVE BREASTFEEDING

 I knew that breastfeeding would be something special, because my mom was always saying how much she enjoyed it. Now here I sit experiencing the joy for myself. I was thinking about how God created this intricate system within my body that allows the PERFECT milk to be created. Milk exactly specifically detailed to what my son needs. Not only is it the best food for my baby, it gives him the security and constant bond to his mother. Every few hours we cuddle up on the couch with a soft blanket and he nurses and I let him hold my hand. I look down and he is gently wiggling his foot on my leg. Sometimes, ever so gently, he rubs my collarbone. He peers up at me with his beautiful brown eyes and I can see the love and contentment in his eyes. 

He isn't attached to an object that feeds him. He is attached to his mother. He finds comfort in me. He finds shelter and test amongst my bosom. It is a beautiful and ever fleeting existence. In a few short years, our sweet son won't need me to feed him any longer. With each passing day, our bond as mother and son has become that much more beautiful. This bond is crucial to the future of my child. It is important that we bond as infants. It helps us bond later in life. And bonding doesn't just take place at the breast. That is just one of many bonding experiences. You cannot have too many! 

I thought about, how God made it this way. Babies are not supposed to be away from their mothers. 

God wants us to follow His guidelines. But we have taken it upon ourselves to change the rules and do things our way. We say we know what is best, without even thinking about the way God designed things. Why did God make our breasts?? to produce milk? If we just let them dry up and don't feed our children, aren't we wasting a gift that God has given us?? 

The facts are that Elijah nurses every 2-4 hours which leads me to think that it's important for him to be with me all the time. (Of course I am blessed to be able to stay home with him- not pointing fingers at anyone who has to work to survive)...

3. MOTHERHOOD IS A SACRIFICIAL EXISTENCE 

It is a daily sacrifice. Not only do we sacrifice our perfect bodies to pregnancy, but we sacrifice our bodies after the child is born. Things get saggy and stretched out. I have also had to sacrifice my time and my wants. I find myself not caring about buying anything for myself, I want Elijah to have the best things. His needs and wants are now above my own needs and wants. I would not have it any other way. It feels natural. I feel this is what selflessness is and I find it to be chastening my soul and strengthening my faith. I want for nothing. Seeing my son smiling and free and full of life is enough for me. He is a dream come true. 

4. DISCIPLINE IS HARD

I haven't had to discipline Elijah much at all, yet. But he did bite me while nursing and I sternly said no! And removed him from my breast and placed him in the floor. Because that is the advice I was given. He looked up at me so pitifully and cried and cried. I waited 1 minute and picked him up and hugged him and let him continue nursing. He has not purposefully bitten me since that day. It was a tearful moment for Elijah and for me. 

It has given me such a clear picture as to how our God feels when we choose sin and the world instead of Him. And He watches the consequences ensue upon our lives. Or when He lets trials come our way to teach us lessons and ultimately to have us rely on Him. Just as our children rely on us. 

Patenting is such a picture of God. It is so beautiful if we choose to see the beauty.

5. I AM NOT GROSSED OUT BY ANYTHING 

After Being a mother, I am pretty certain that their is nothing that can make my stomachs churn. It is incredible how we become desensitized! I have to give some of the credit to Anatomy and physiology class in college. Dissecting a cat was pretty rough. And helping a man with necrotizing fasciitis in LPN school was pretty rough. That smell was intense!! Rotting flesh! But now, changing diapers and being puked on and slivered on and licked and sucked on, I feel that I am tough as nails! I am thankful for that toughness! 

6. MARRIAGE TAKES EFFORT

Honestly, marriage before Elijah was easy. Granted, it had only been a year and a half of marriage before Elijah was born. But communicating was easy and finding time for one another was simple. Everything was easy. Now, instead of being completely spontaneous, our lives have to be planned. We have to work around Elijah's schedule. When he sleeps we can enjoy a meal together or cuddle on the couch. It has taken these past 8 months to fully grasp that. We have to Jose to make time for one another. It's easy for days to go by without really having conversation about how we are doing and feeling. It's easy to let things be about "the baby". But we work every single day to stay connected to one another. I am thankful for technology. It allows us to have dialogue. It helps. I love my husband more today than yesterday. We have a lifetime on earth and forever in Heaven with our Savior. 

7. We are blessed 

Plain and simple. God has given us more than we could ever ask for! Especially, considering how selfish I have lived. The list of my short comings and sins and failures, have been erased. I can walk upright and with honor. Knowing my Jesus has redeemed my soul. I am excited to share my love for Christ with Elijah and any future children we may have! 

8. Being a mom is the most tiring job I have ever had!I once worked 60 hours a week and went to college full time. I thought I was tired then!! But wow, the exhaustion I feel at the end of some days is overwhelming. Those are simply the facts. Even though its tiring, it is the MOST rewarding, by far!! There is no greater feeling than seeing your child develop at his/her own pace and flourish and excel and smile and laugh! It has changed Kaleb and I, forever. Life is about our family now. All other ground separate of Christ's love sinking sand! 

9. I WOULD BE LIST WITHOUT JESUS

At the center of our family, is our Savior. He has to be the center of it all! ALL! If we  forget about God, life stops making sense. He is where I pull my strength from. I know that even when things get rough and I am tired, God is near and he lifts me up, where I can see clearly and where I can stand. 

He is a solid rock. 

I look at Elijah and I am so thankful for him. My perfect, sweet little boy. 

10. I WANT LOTS MORE KIDS!