Sometimes, in life we come to a place where we have two choices, a metaphorical fork in the road. One road is vast, easy and has no rules but it's full of sin & selfishness & slowly leads us to our own destruction. The other road is narrow and difficult because there are morals and it can be hard to be left out but it leads to God's grace, healing and redemption in Jesus.
But WE choose. No one can force us down either path. And at the end of our life, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the outcome.
I believe at any time someone can turn onto the Jesus road. But you have to be willing to die to self and let God rule and reign.
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” ...
When you're pregnant people tell you, enjoy sleep while you can. I don't say that to pregnant women. You know why? Because being the mother of a newborn is easy. Yup, I said it. (keep reading to understand my point) It's a walk in the park with a cool breeze and a sweet tea in hand. Sleeping when the baby sleeps was phenomenal. Cosleeping, nursing round the clock, and endless snuggles was bliss. Sure there were lots of diaper changes and blowouts. The baby might cry or need some special attention. They may be colicky.
As the mother, you may have to give up some things to create a solid nursing relationship. I had to give up dairy. I do not drink caffeine, haven't since 2009. I had to give up citrus, garlic, onions, peppers, pretty much every spice, salt, refined sugars and tomatoes. And I'm probably forgetting some things. But it was all worth it. And it wasn't hard. It was necessary.
We create these children by having sex do we not? Is it their fault they exist? No. They didn't choose it. We did. Our choices created them. Then they arrive & often they are not put first. And then, their needs aren't properly met & their behavior changes for the worst and they cry too much and don't sleep through the night. They want to be held and how dare they act hungry all the time! How dare they take up our time! People act as if babies are manipulating the situation. When really they are just desperately needing things that only a mother can give!
I tell mothers to enjoy being pregnant for you don't know what the future holds. It could be the only chance you get to experience it. I tell them, to enjoy the newborn and forget about the dishes. Cause guess what? It's been 30+ months and the dishes still get dirty. But having that precious time with Elijah is irreplaceable. I don't have to sit here with regrets or guilt about anything in regards to his development and how grounded & bonded he is to me and Kaleb. Which carries over into how grounded he is in life. He knows, in the night that we are near. He has never had to be away from the safety of his parents.
Yes, in America we value sleep. Because we have these perfectly orchestrated, timed out lived. And babies interfere with the schedule. How dare they not conform!! An infant doesn't need a schedule. You know what they need? They need the constant presence of their mother. They need to sleep on her chest, hear her heartbeat, smell her, and feel her warmth.
I tell mothers to enjoy newborn life because now I sit here and I'm exhausted. Being the mom of an extraordinary 2.5 year old little boy involves every emotion, everyday. It's beautiful. It's messy. It's fast. It's slow. It's in-between. It's spiritual. It's joyful. It's educational. Its hard. It's everything. It takes a skill set that is developed over time. The newborn stage, if approached naturally and without the American pathetic ideals in mind, is easy. Because it doesn't take thought, as much as it takes action. It takes being there. It takes sacrifice, yes. But the baby is immobile! They can't go anywhere! They can climb trees at warp speed, or run away or yell "no mama"!! Newborns need to be nourished, changed and HELD! Toddlers need everything. They are developing so many skill sets that will be theirs for a lifetime. And it's my job as full time mom to continue to nurture and guide Elijah so he is the best possible version of himself. The version that the Lord God intended when He knit him together in my womb.
I tell mothers to soak up their newborn. Breath them in, let them be on your skin all the time and don't ever let society tell you the baby is a burden. Don't ever let them make you feel like your baby doesn't act right or perform according to the idiotic standards of modern day America. Because simply existing, the baby is doing exactly what he/she knows how to do. It's our job to give them their needs. They need us.
I am far more tired now then I ever was when Elijah was a baby. Babyhood is easy. Hold tight to that and enjoy every second!
From the deep recesses of my soul, thank you, for the kind words and prayers. Day one with out my Arndog was terrifying and heart wrenching but we did it together. God sent me an immense amount of people to pray for me & give encouragement. My friends/family near and far have been such a blessing. My mom & sister are here grieving with us. Not having to cook dinner because my mom took care of it, helped so much. (Arnie would stand by my feet while I cooked 😢.) I see how powerful & special social media can be if we use it correctly & for God's positive purposes. Speaking kindly & loving others through the hard seasons is what Jesus calls us to do. So truly, thank you, I cannot say it enough.
I didn't know how much I was missing having my own outdoor perennials! Now that we have tons of space, I have gone flower CRAZY! God has also blessed us with great super sale finds! We love the clearance rack in the garden center at every store we go to!
At Walmart I found tulips, 2 for $.24! I couldn't believe it! I bought 23 containers! so 46 bulbs! Amazing! $5.75! SCORE! I also picked up some annuals for making a hanging planter out of a vintage strainer.
They won't bloom again until next year and even if only some of them bloom, I will be happy! And if none of them do, well, we are only out $5 bucks!
I found a snowball viburnum on sale! It was such a gift from God. In several years, I hope it is a lovely big bush!
I planted a 40 ft strip of wild flowers and other perennial flower seeds in preparation for my sisters wedding next year. I hope they survive winter and flourish next year!
The garden is sprouting. Tomorrow if the weather holds out I will weed and lay down black paper to kill the grass sprouts.
We were out shopping one day for some chicken supplies and Runnings had a sale on their trees and they had one Weeping Pussy Willow left. I had my heart set on that being Elijah's placenta tree! Originally $60 and we got it for $47! Such a blessing.
BACKSTORY: So when I was pregnant with Elijah, we had discussed what to do with his placenta. I loved the idea of planting a tree for every child. So we decided to do that. But Elijah was born in January. And that meant we couldn't plant it right away. We also lived in a rental house so we didn't want to leave it behind. My parents have a chest freezer in their basement. So we bagged it, labeled it & put it in the freezer until we found our forever home. Then we moved to another rental house for 1.5 years. So we still couldn't plant the placenta. We purchased our home September 30, 2014. And we simply didn't have the extra funding for a tree. It's also better to plant a tree at the beginning of summer in MN. And there really isn't anywhere local to purchase trees in fall/winter. And often the ground is already frozen so digging up the dirt without a bobcat or bulldozer is IMPOSSIBLE. So we were waiting for this summer to find a tree. But I'm thankful for extra freezers because that means the placenta hasn't degraded and will still be able to be planted. When my mom is back from Italy we will have a prayer ceremony and plant it near the tree. I'm so excited to watch this tree grow over the years! For each future child, I hope to find unique, special trees for them!
Placenta planting is a very sacred and special part of life for us. The placenta carries nutrients from mother to baby & is the life source for the child. Blood flows through the cord and veins life to a beautiful soul.
It makes me think of Jesus shedding His blood for me and you and every person. His blood brings life and healing. Our own blood provides us with physical life. We need it to survive. Jesus' blood was the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. And the significance and comparison between the mother carrying a child and the placenta bringing blood to the baby to sustain life, is such a beautiful metaphor for salvation.
I think of all of this when I picture Elijah's tiny body forming in my womb. His perfect soul being knit together. The very essence of his being was created from that placenta and God's hands.
It's sad that in our culture things related to how we are formed inside of the womb are "gross" or "weird" or "unnecessary". Nothing about pregnancy, labor, delivery or post partum should have such a negative stigma attached to it. It is a beautiful part about life. It isn't gross or weird. And it is very necessary. Also, demeaning, making fun of others for choosing to do things differently or alternatively (in regards to procreating) and choosing to hold certain things as sacred, is unacceptable. I hate that they have labels like "dirty hippy", "crunchy", "granola mom", "granola people", "tree hugger", "hippy mom" etc. I don't claim to be any of those things. I just simply pray and do what we feel is best and what God would be pleased with. If we all strive for that, life would be easier.
I'm so glad we have saved Elijahs Placenta in the freezer. And whenever we have another child, I will save that placenta also for as long as we need. In MN we don't have a very long summer, and that's the best time to plant. So it's all about timing and what time of year a baby is born!
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I'm excited for this summer! We have a lot of fun things to look forward to!
Here are some flashbacks to when Elijah's placenta was his only source of nourishment.
It seems that when your first child hits age 2 every single person asks questions or has comments about you having another child. It's just a societal thing. So I thought I would quickly blog my heart on this subject.
Here are some of the frequently asked questions to which, I Most often I just reply with "Well, we aren't preventing pregnancy". That way we can just move on to another subject.
"How many children do you guys want? / Do you want to have more children?"
This is often the way that people try to gently ask if we are going to have more children. Or if we are trying to have more. The answer is, we aren't preventing children from occurring. So we will welcome as many as God gives us.
"He's getting so big! That's when you know it's time for another"
Oh golly, thanks. We stopped preventing children in JUNE 2014 and a baby clearly hasn't happened. And we are both doing our best to have patience, trust God, and remember His plan is greater than our plan. But that also doesn't mean we haven't been sad at times over the past almost year. It only took once and Elijah happened. We assumed that would happen again. And it hasn't.
"Are you pregnant?"
No. I just like the topic of pregnancy, birth and child rearing. I also love to pin maternity photos and cool things related to pregnancy, labor and birth. But just because I do that, it doesn't mean I'm pregnant.
"What about another baby?"
I never know exactly what to say. I've been saying "we don't prevent". Simple. Short. Sweet. Lately, the questions have been making me pretty sad. I often go home and cry in the shower and ask God to help my heart feel okay.
"You have three dogs, isn't it time for a baby??"
Refer to previous answer..
"Instead of getting more pets, you should have another baby!"
Refer to previous answer...
"It's about baby time isn't it?"
Refer to previous comment...
"Elijah needs a sibling to play with!"
He has friends, dogs, cats, chickens, and a bunny. Whenever another baby happens, we will welcome that child with open arms. Until then, we are truly enjoying our present life. It really is turning into a lovely dream like existence. A little homestead in progress, a fourwheeler, pets, trees and space to explore! Kaleb and I have been working on our marriage and learning and growing. Life is a process. And just because another child hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean we don't want one and it doesn't mean we are preventing them.
I truly know that people do not mean any harm by asking these questions. I don't blame them for how the words make me feel. It is my personal journey. But the questions are hard to answer some days.
I would also like to say, avoid these questions when you don't know someone very well. You really never know what someone is dealing with behind closed doors. A woman may have just lost a baby or is unable to have children. I avoid these questions now when first getting to know someone. I have been practicing just getting to know a person's heart.
Elijah is a beautiful child inside and out. He is kind, compassionate, wild, loud, brilliant, goofy, joyful and caring. I don't ever want him to feel like he isn't enough. He has made me a mother. God specifically knit him together in my womb and I will be forever grateful. It is a gift beyond measure to be sitting in the recliner with him while I type this. He is better and more amazing than any person I ever could have imagined as my child. I praise God for Elijah's life.
Yes, we want to have a big family, but we also want to be mindful of what God wants for us as a family. He knows something we don't know. And I WILL be okay with that and I find peace in knowing He has a plan. But that doesn't leave me without emotion and about grieving the plans I had for MY life. We all like to make plans and think our plans will always work out perfectly the way we want. But sometimes, they don't. And I don't want that to take away from my current life. I have been feeling my emotions as they arise and being mindful of how desperately I want more kids. But I also want to be fully aware that God hears me and knows my heart. And I am not alone in this also, Kaleb wants more children also. So together we have to face what God has planned for us, whatever that may be.
Desert Song by Hillsong United always helps my heart remember what is important...
This is my prayer in the desert When all that's within me feels dry This is my prayer in my hunger and need My God is the God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire In weakness or trial or pain There is a faith proved Of more worth than gold So refine me, Lord, through the flame
And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon formed against me shall remain I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle When triumph is still on its way I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ So firm on His promise I'll stand
And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon formed against me shall remain I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here
All of my life In every season You are still God I have a reason to sing I have a reason to worship
And I will bring praise I will bring praise No weapon formed against me shall remain I will rejoice I will declare God is my victory and He is here
This is my prayer in the harvest When favor and providence flow I know I'm filled to be emptied again The seed I've received I will sow
