Hind sight // God's plan

Joseph's story in the Bible is one of my favorites. Joseph must've been so scared to be sold into slavery. He must have been sad and angry many times through out his life. Because other people a used their power and hurt him.

It reminds me that hind sight is a funny thing. As we are in the midst of something painful, sad, confusing or frustrating (or all of the above) it's easy to forget about God. Or it's easy to think he's forgotten me. But that's our flesh and that's me attributing human characteristics to God. People let us down. People forget us. But God. God does not. He just doesn't. And when we look back after the hard time has passed, if we've been following God through it, we can see all the beauty he revealed. We can look back and see His hand was over us the entire time. There was a point to the suffering. And there was a purpose for the pain. It molds us and changes us and stretches us to new depths. His plan and His will for my life is good. 

Elijah's sleep

Last night for the first time, Elijah didn't wake up from his bedroom and come into our bed. I can't help but feel sad. It's the slow fade of his babyhood. At the same time, I have no regrets in how we coslept. Everyone told me he would NEVER want to leave our bed. And he would never learn how to self regulate his sleep. Clearly, that was false. What is different, is I haven't been in a rush to force him to sleep alone until he was ready. Here we sit, having accomplished what I knew would just happen in HIS time; God's time and Elijah's, not mine, not the so called experts'. He loves his big boy bed. There's been no major battles. No nights of crying it out. If anything, it's been a ridiculously smooth transition. Considering the blogs and anecdotes I've read/heard about sleep training. We've had none of that. But that could be because there's been absolutely NO sleep training in this house. But mysteriously our child learned how to sleep through the night. The only reason he wakes in the night in his room is because he kicks the covers off and his hands get cold. It's amazing that sleeping through the night happens naturally if we allow it to unfold. Infants and small toddlers aren't designed to sleep solidly through the night. They need to know they are safe and secure. Who knew that humans were designed to sleep at night. (Hint of sarcasm) #momlife #insincts #patience 

random thought on breastfeeding.

I've found that most women don't want to nurse every hour or as they say "on demand". They worry the baby is eating too much or too little. They pump because they want instant relief from discomfort and to know how many ounces baby is eating. But there's no amount of breastmik that will be too much for baby or cause harm. And as far as too little, with on demand feeding that's irrelevant. Up until now, a baby gets constant food and never has felt hungry in the womb. And they shouldn't. Most people wait until baby is crying. But experts say that means the baby has been very hungry for 15-30 mins. And they shouldn't wait that long. If baby was changed and still seems restless, I offered the breast. And nearly every time it solved the problem.
At the beginning I nursed Elijah sometimes every 30 mins. He was a snacker. Women told me, withhold a feeding and they will learn not to snack. But I never did that. I went off baby's own instincts. And looking back, I can't imagine any other way.

A fork in the road. .

Sometimes, in life we come to a place where we have two choices, a metaphorical fork in the road. One road is vast, easy and has no rules but it's full of sin & selfishness & slowly leads us to our own destruction. The other road is narrow and difficult because there are morals and it can be hard to be left out but it leads to God's grace, healing and redemption in Jesus. 

But WE choose. No one can force us down either path. And at the end of our life, we have no one to blame but ourselves for the outcome. 

I believe at any time someone can turn onto the Jesus road. But you have to be willing to die to self and let God rule and reign. 

CHOOSE. 

Newborn life is easy. *gasp* Did she just say what I think she did?

Proverbs 31:25-30

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” ...

When you're pregnant people tell you, enjoy sleep while you can. I don't say that to pregnant women. You know why? Because being the mother of a newborn is easy. Yup, I said it. (keep reading to understand my point) It's a walk in the park with a cool breeze and a sweet tea in hand. Sleeping when the baby sleeps was phenomenal. Cosleeping, nursing round the clock, and endless snuggles was bliss. Sure there were lots of diaper changes and blowouts. The baby might cry or need some special attention. They may be colicky. 

As the mother, you may have to give up some things to create a solid nursing relationship. I had to give up dairy. I do not drink caffeine, haven't since 2009. I had to give up citrus, garlic, onions, peppers, pretty much every spice, salt, refined sugars and tomatoes. And I'm probably forgetting some things. But it was all worth it. And it wasn't hard. It was necessary. 

We create these children by having sex do we not? Is it their fault they exist? No. They didn't choose it. We did. Our choices created them. Then they arrive & often they are not put first. And then, their needs aren't properly met & their behavior changes for the worst and they cry too much and don't sleep through the night. They want to be held and how dare they act hungry all the time! How dare they take up our time! People act as if babies are manipulating the situation. When really they are just desperately needing things that only a mother can give! 

I tell mothers to enjoy being pregnant for you don't know what the future holds. It could be the only chance you get to experience it. I tell them, to enjoy the newborn and forget about the dishes. Cause guess what? It's been 30+ months and the dishes still get dirty. But having that precious time with Elijah is irreplaceable. I don't have to sit here with regrets or guilt about anything in regards to his development and how grounded & bonded he is to me and Kaleb. Which carries over into how grounded he is in life. He knows, in the night that we are near. He has never had to be away from the safety of his parents. 

Yes, in America we value sleep. Because we have these perfectly orchestrated, timed out lived. And babies interfere with the schedule. How dare they not conform!! An infant doesn't need a schedule. You know what they need? They need the constant presence of their mother. They need to sleep on her chest, hear her heartbeat, smell her, and feel her warmth. 

I tell mothers to enjoy newborn life because now I sit here and I'm exhausted. Being the mom of an extraordinary 2.5 year old little boy involves every emotion, everyday. It's beautiful. It's messy. It's fast. It's slow. It's in-between. It's spiritual. It's joyful. It's educational. Its hard. It's everything. It takes a skill set that is developed over time. The newborn stage, if approached naturally and without the American pathetic ideals in mind, is easy. Because it doesn't take thought, as much as it takes action. It takes being there. It takes sacrifice, yes. But the baby is immobile! They can't go anywhere! They can climb trees at warp speed, or run away or yell "no mama"!! Newborns need to be nourished, changed and HELD! Toddlers need everything. They are developing so many skill sets that will be theirs for a lifetime. And it's my job as full time mom to continue to nurture and guide Elijah so he is the best possible version of himself. The version that the Lord God intended when He knit him together in my womb. 

I tell mothers to soak up their newborn. Breath them in, let them be on your skin all the time and don't ever let society tell you the baby is a burden. Don't ever let them make you feel like your baby doesn't act right or perform according to the idiotic standards of modern day America. Because simply existing, the baby is doing exactly what he/she knows how to do. It's our job to give them their needs. They need us. 

 I am far more tired now then I ever was when Elijah was a baby. Babyhood is easy. Hold tight to that and enjoy every second!

My heart is on the mend.

From the deep recesses of my soul, thank you, for the kind words and prayers. Day one with out my Arndog was terrifying and heart wrenching but we did it together. God sent me an immense amount of people to pray for me & give encouragement. My friends/family near and far have been such a blessing. My mom & sister are here grieving with us. Not having to cook dinner because my mom took care of it, helped so much. (Arnie would stand by my feet while I cooked 😢.) I see how powerful & special social media can be if we use it correctly & for God's positive purposes. Speaking kindly & loving others through the hard seasons is what Jesus calls us to do. So truly, thank you, I cannot say it enough.

Summer // 2015

This has been a fabulous summer. 

We've had busy days and slow days. A perfect combo. 

Seriously I couldn't ask for anything better. 

Weddings. 

Sunshine.  

Puppies. Kittens. Chickens. Travel. Engagement! Wedding planning! Love. Love. Love. Garden. Joy. Smiles. Photos. 

E is amazing and talking a ton and learning so much! 

A E I O U !  Repeat! 

He loves Jesus loves me! 🎶🎵