Love covers...

These are just some thoughts as I lie here praying for the Wilson's. 

I find it completely ignorant of George Stephanopoulos, to be interviewing a police officer and appear to have no idea what kind of tactical, mental, or physical training is given to police officers. They go to college just as any other professional in today's society! And to tell him it's pretty hard to dream when someone is dead. So because he protected himself, he is no longer allowed to dream? 

This whole situation has shown me just how clueless some Americans are. They don't bother to educate themselves on issues before spouting. The knowledge is at our fingertips, literally. 

I have been praying that other officers don't see this controversy and become afraid to shoot if that's what they have the legal right to do. And I will continue to do so because I know that if my husband was holding a gun with the intent to protect himself and/or his family, and a man was charging at him, I know he would shoot. 

Just because a police officer has sworn to protect and serve doesn't mean they aren't also supposed to protect themselves from being attacked. 

My heart goes out to everyone involved. But it's truly time to take responsibility for our own actions. Go read about inner city violence and find statistics on broken families. Do the research. Humans beings don't grow up to become criminals out of the blue. Many things, over many years lead to this type of behavior. Broken and hurting people tend to hurt other people. It's incredibly sad that some people choose destructive paths. But we cannot force people to uphold morals if they were not taught or modeled those morals. Have you ever met a teenager with a criminal record? Have you ever spoken with them? Well, I can say that I have AND I have my own personal experience with the law. Talking with other teens, one thing has become apparent to me, teenagers are more often than not, ignored by their parents. And this is a critical time of change. Second thing I have observed, teens are hurting & broken & they are overwhelmed with their emotions. Most of them talk about their parents and their home lives. And the children that come from a broken family, they have hips on their shoulders. They are guarded and struggle to talk about how they feel. 

It is a given, that anyone chasing drugs, relationships, parties, crime, (etc) they are running away from their pain. And they don't know what to do with their emotions. So instead of seeking help, they act out. They let their anger and resentment fuel their actions. I know this, because 

I did this. Luckily, the law caught up to me before I was 18 & I'm blessed to live in MN where they offer diversion programs. You get one chance to erase your criminal record. And that is such a beautiful grace. 

I think it is time as Americans, to do a better job of loving one another. Instead of throwing out labels and bigotry, and grouping everyone together in their little boxes, it's time to see each person as a child of the one true King. Love will cover a multitude of sins if we let it. 

It shouldn't be us or them. Black or white. But we all have chosen to make it so. And it's a shame. We as a collective need to pray more and go to church more. We need to get ourselves right before our creator. THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN WE INVOKE CHANGE. 

Pain versus Love

A Biggest Loser contestant said "it's a lot easier to find pain than love". 

It hit me hard. It's such a raw truth. Isn't that the culture in which we live today? Everyone focuses on their pain and labels themselves according to their failures/shortcomings/struggles. And it saddens me. 

It saddens me because 

there is a real Savior waiting to embrace you. He's standing on the other side of the door knocking and wishing we would let Him in. 

Revelation 3:20

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

He knows what we struggle with and He loves us anyways. 

In the heart of every man (man meaning human being) there is deceit & evil. We have to choose what we embrace. Will we cling to the light? Or will we walk into the darkness? 

One path is narrow and leads to everlasting life. The other path is grim & often leads to self destruction and eternal suffering. Satan brings pain. Jesus brings love. Let him heal your wounds. He can replace the pain in your heart with hope, joy, peace and love.  

Choose love. Choose Jesus. 

Homeschooling? How dumb!

SAID NO ADULT EVER (WHO WAS ACTUALLY HOMESCHOOLED WELL)!!!!

 I read the entire transcript of Obamas speech. The one where he says all sorts of lovely stuff about women. And then claims that women are forced to stay home because childcare isn't available. 

I want to know how many women that ACTUALLY is? 

Find me a stat. A number. I want the proof from the horses mouth. 

I see that women who want to work, can and do. He wants to magically make daycare more available and better? By what funding it through the government? Sending our kids to institutions ran by government workers? Where do these magic daycare/childcare providers come from? They must be women, right? 

How does he think he will create better child care programs? He says all this wishy washy stuff. But never says HOW he will accomplish it. And no one ever thinks about it all the way through. 

As a homeschooled individual, it's extremely demeaning & insulting to say that children are better taught outside of the home. ..

"because we know investing in high-quality early childhood education makes all the difference in the world." -Obama

And frankly, it's ignorant to claim children are better educated by professionals with strangers sitting all around. Some children NEED one on one attention. 

Staying home was a stress free, bully free, schedule free, environment. I made choices about my education when I was 10. I was able to choose what projects to do. And I was able to focus on things I liked to learn about while also incorporating important educational areas - reading, writing, math, science, history. 

So to say that a child is best served in a classroom of 30 students at age 3, isn't fair. Not all children thrive in chaos. Actually, most do not enjoy it. 

Our son is very social, get him in a huge group of people and he clams up. It overwhelms him. And why wouldn't it? And why is it said to be bad if he can't handle loud groups of people? I can already tell, he learns best when he's one and one. He needs quiet, loving attention.

And I will provide him with opportunities and experiences in group settings. We will join home educating co-ops for group learning. And he will get socialized. I promise. 

Somehow I managed to be homeschooled and still attend highschool and graduate with honors! And then obtain two college degrees. I have my associates degree and LPN. 

 Weird.

 Shouldn't I have been stupid from all my "home edumacating" by someone who isn't a qualified professional? 

HOW could someone dumb home educate me? Is that a serious question? 

Even when I fail.

Time sure flies! It's moving day #2 and I am sick as can be! And I've failed a lot today. I've been crabby, sad, annoyed, mad, rude etc. you name it. That's me. Always messing up. 

I spent a lot of time today thinking and looking back at photos. While I laid around. I am glad I take so many photos. It's a great reminder that ugly days like today are few and far between. And sure I mess up and get upset. And then I say things I shouldn't. And then it's hard cause I feel bad and it's too late cause the words were already said. Then I have to be sure to apologize. 

We had plans to bring Elijah to a pumpkin patch today. But I'm sick. And the weather is far too windy. And that bummed me out because it's the last weekend before it closes. :( It's a silly lame problem, but I really wanted to go. 

It's been hard for me this weekend because there's so much junk in our life. Literally, too. Much. Stuff. And I haven't done the greatest job of cleaning things and organizing our previous house. So there's crap everywhere. Odds and ends. Nick knacks. And garbage. So embarrassing. So. So. Embarrassing. Makes me want to crawl in a hole and bury my face in shame. 

Being sick & not being able to help pack and unpack my belongings is frustrating. I don't mind being helped when I join in & help too. But just having everything done for me is hard. And just when I think I am maturing, boom, I'm right back where I started. A constant reminder that I'm useless on my own. And I need Jesus. Cause clearly on hard days, stressful times, I still can't hold it together by myself. And today I tried to hard to do it on my own. I got too caught up in the bad aspects & got too overwhelmed. I am Thankful for new mercies everyday, every hour. Cause today has been one failure of a day. But tomorrow I will get up, if I'm not too sick & trudge forward, and walk In forgiveness to myself. Because that's the person I struggle to forgive more than anyone else. 

Even when I fail God loves me for me.

Jesus died for me. 

And no matter what failures occur, I can pick things up with Jesus by my side and keep going. 

And that's a hard concept somedays.

But it is a truth. 

A real truth. 

So if today is a rough day or week or even year or years, it is OKAY. 

TURN TO JESUS. 

REMEMBER HE SEES YOU. 

HE SEES US JUST AS WE ARE. 

FLAWED. 

BROKEN. 

BEAUTIFUL. 

and guess what? 

HE LOVES US! 

With the biggest love there is. Love that lays down it's own life. Love that chooses to sacrifice everything for you and for me. 

It is hard to remember. But we have to trudge forward. And remember.  

Sleep is a journey

I am a true believer that every child will find their sleep, in their own time. Ebear has been slowly finding his way to sleep. For almost a week now he has been saying "nigh night" while pointing to the bedroom. So we go into our bed, he is a little restless but we hold hands and and thank Jesus for protecting us while we sleep and we thank Him for our day. Elijah says "thankoo, jeesh ame" (thank you, Jesus amen) & then he slowly babbles himself to sleep while holding his teddy & then I transition him to his crib. I know in time he will be secure enough to fall asleep apart from me and K,

But for now, we are enjoying the cuddles, prayers and kisses. #GodisGood #goodnight 

Be.

http://youtu.be/nrXOOZyMemY

Sleep changes.

My heart. 

My baby has hit some major milestones this week. 

People make such a huge deal about babies and their sleep schedules. 

Sleep train. 

Cry it out. 

Don't co sleep. 

Don't night nurse after infancy. 

The list goes on and on. And I ignored all the advice, judgments & rude comments. And I knew as Elijah's mother that in time, he would find his sleep pattern. We prayed together for God to help us sleep. And the past 3 days, Elijah has asked to take a nap & to go to bed. He is in our room with us. But I see now that letting him feel secure when it comes to sleeping has been so healthy. I can sit back & know that I didn't keep him at arms length. I didn't deny him my presence or Kaleb's. We let him bond & showed him we are with him. 

My theory about sleep has been proven to be a solid idea. Each child WILL find their sleep. But just as every other part of development, it is individual and specific to every child. We are, after all, each a unique person. 

If we spent less time discussing and planning how to get our babies to sleep, and we just enjoyed them and helped them feel secure, it would alleviate a lot of unwarranted anxiety.