He's growing up...

As I watch Elijah play at parks this summer, it has hit me how fast a child stops needing help in certain ways. He says "no mom, I can do it by myself" and as a parent you take a step back and watch as they tackle things. It's healthy for them to grow and develop independence. But for myself there's this moment. A moment where I realize, as a mom, that specific task to help my child has ended. He can dress himself, climb up trees and up the rope ladder all by himself. My role is still vital but it changes, I become an encourager more than a helper. All the times I helped him, have lead him to be confident and independent in these areas. What a beautiful and heart wrenching process. Motherhood is all encompassing. I feel tired but also I feel so much joy. One day I feel overwhelmed by how much my baby needs me and I pray for the energy to get through the day. And now, here I sit, with a son who doesn't need me in the same way. That time has gone and I can't get it back. I'll never regret putting everything I have to give into these beautiful souls. This is the greatest calling and achievement of my life. It's above my education and any other earthly title I could ever achieve. And as long as I'm able, I will help them when they need me. // 

Elijah's sleep

Last night for the first time, Elijah didn't wake up from his bedroom and come into our bed. I can't help but feel sad. It's the slow fade of his babyhood. At the same time, I have no regrets in how we coslept. Everyone told me he would NEVER want to leave our bed. And he would never learn how to self regulate his sleep. Clearly, that was false. What is different, is I haven't been in a rush to force him to sleep alone until he was ready. Here we sit, having accomplished what I knew would just happen in HIS time; God's time and Elijah's, not mine, not the so called experts'. He loves his big boy bed. There's been no major battles. No nights of crying it out. If anything, it's been a ridiculously smooth transition. Considering the blogs and anecdotes I've read/heard about sleep training. We've had none of that. But that could be because there's been absolutely NO sleep training in this house. But mysteriously our child learned how to sleep through the night. The only reason he wakes in the night in his room is because he kicks the covers off and his hands get cold. It's amazing that sleeping through the night happens naturally if we allow it to unfold. Infants and small toddlers aren't designed to sleep solidly through the night. They need to know they are safe and secure. Who knew that humans were designed to sleep at night. (Hint of sarcasm) #momlife #insincts #patience 

Sleep is a journey

I am a true believer that every child will find their sleep, in their own time. Ebear has been slowly finding his way to sleep. For almost a week now he has been saying "nigh night" while pointing to the bedroom. So we go into our bed, he is a little restless but we hold hands and and thank Jesus for protecting us while we sleep and we thank Him for our day. Elijah says "thankoo, jeesh ame" (thank you, Jesus amen) & then he slowly babbles himself to sleep while holding his teddy & then I transition him to his crib. I know in time he will be secure enough to fall asleep apart from me and K,

But for now, we are enjoying the cuddles, prayers and kisses. #GodisGood #goodnight 

Sleep changes.

My heart. 

My baby has hit some major milestones this week. 

People make such a huge deal about babies and their sleep schedules. 

Sleep train. 

Cry it out. 

Don't co sleep. 

Don't night nurse after infancy. 

The list goes on and on. And I ignored all the advice, judgments & rude comments. And I knew as Elijah's mother that in time, he would find his sleep pattern. We prayed together for God to help us sleep. And the past 3 days, Elijah has asked to take a nap & to go to bed. He is in our room with us. But I see now that letting him feel secure when it comes to sleeping has been so healthy. I can sit back & know that I didn't keep him at arms length. I didn't deny him my presence or Kaleb's. We let him bond & showed him we are with him. 

My theory about sleep has been proven to be a solid idea. Each child WILL find their sleep. But just as every other part of development, it is individual and specific to every child. We are, after all, each a unique person. 

If we spent less time discussing and planning how to get our babies to sleep, and we just enjoyed them and helped them feel secure, it would alleviate a lot of unwarranted anxiety. 

Is this really the BEST we can do?

Why do we have the view that a one year old should be able to handle being all alone at night??

Why is it "babyish" for a 4 year old to need his mom? 

Why is an infant expected to sleep through the night? 

Why is 2 the magic potty training age? 

Why is breastfeeding past age one such a stigma? 

Why is an 18 month old expected to always feed themselves and stop being like a baby? 

Why is needing to be held a bad thing? At any age? 

WHY? 

These are just a few of the questions I have about our American modern parenting ideas. 

Since becoming a parent, I have learned one major thing: The American way of parenting is a bunch of cow poop! Seriously! 

There are all of these expectations. Demanding that children grow up faster than they need to is the main one. The moment a child is born there are all sorts of expectations. And the infant is constantly failing. Never measuring up to what society says he or she should be doing! 

But my question is, why!? Why do these expectations exist? Why do we cow tail to society? 

Why do we force babies to do things? Why don't more parents research what is ACTUALLY best for the baby!? --Not what doctors SAY is best. 

Why don't we let the baby stay a baby? They spend 9-10 months inside of our bodies. Then in a flash we expect them to detach and sleep all alone in a bassinet/crib. 

And my question is WHY? 

Cribs haven't always existed. And our human species kept going? How? 

Out on the African Safari, where parenting is simply instinctual, I'm sure they would find our idea of cribbing infants, completely ridiculous. Because they keep their children close at night.

 Or if we asked them how many times a day does your baby eat? They wouldn't have a clue what we were asking. Because they simply nurse their baby every time he/she needs them. And they don't write down how long they fed or at what time. They don't wean their children. They just live. Breastfeeding is necessary for survival. And that is how I view breastfeeding. And I don't care what anyone thinks or says. I will nurse Elijah as long as he wants. I trust that he will stop when he no longer needs the comfort and security of my bosom. Until then, back off! 

I digress, back to my original thought process, why? 

Why can't a baby stay a baby? I had no idea that as my child turned one and continued to grow taller and stronger, that people would look down on me for nursing, cosleeping, and cuddling. Why is it, one, any of your business? And two, why is it a bad thing to let Elijah be attached to me? I see that he is thriving and healthy. He is social and loves people. He is smiley and verbal & very observant. He isn't shy. He is loud and friendly. 

People often compliment me and Kaleb on how cute and friendly E is. And I always think, a lot of work went into allowing him to become himself. And a lot of thought went into his life. --Caring about HIS feelings. Putting him first and putting him above my wants and my feelings. 

I wonder how he would be if I forced him to detach. If I kept him at arms length. If I was planning how to get him to be self soothing before he even learns to talk? Would he be scared? Would he be shy? 

I'm glad I don't know the answers to those questions. 

I think as parents, in 2014, in America, we should question more things. We should question doctors. We should question other parents! Instead of saying, nonchalantly, "I did what was best for my child". When in reality, we often choose what is BEST for us and we label it "best for our child". We hide behind this facade. The facade that we aren't selfish beings. Many parenting choices aren't for the BEST interest of the child involved. The choices are for us. Why do we want the baby to sleep through the night? Because we are tired? Because WE WANT SLEEP? Do we ever take a moment to think about the child's needs? Because we should. Their physiological and emotional needs should come first! FIRST!

Why do we jam pacifiers into brand new, newborns mouths? Why don't we figure out what they NEED first? More than likely, they are hungry OR they want to be held. I never gave a paci to Elijah before trying everything else. Every time he seemed agitated, I nursed him. Every. Time. Pacifiers being in a baby's mouth constantly is unnatural. The baby is so tiny and I see what parents do, they jam the pacifier in and hold it there until the baby succumbs to it. I think a paci used appropriately is a different story. But it shouldn't be the first solution. It should be the last. It has NEVER given me a happy feeling. Like the feeling I get when I hear a baby cry and then watch as the mother soothes the babe with her breast. It's beautiful! Simple. Lovely. I get weepy talking about it. It's something so human and beautiful. It's also something incredibly holy and sacred. I hope I will be a breastfeeding mother for the next 10 years. I would be okay if E nursed and then another baby came and we kept on nursing. 

I will end on this note:::: 

 We should want what is TRULY best for our kids. God gives us the best. He sent His son to die so we could have eternal life. The least, LEAST we can do is love our children and give them the best of us. 

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8 NIV)

My job.

How we treat our kids is most important. As the world systematically crushes the hearts of children, it's our job as parents to teach & show our children that God is for them. 

The above statement came to me as I watched my son wave and smile at a passerby who didn't return the gesture. And this isn't the first time I've observed this type of interaction. If we are out in public, it happens often. Usually, I say, "are you saying hi Elijah?"  Then and only then do the people change their facial expressions from blank/annoyed. And they give a smile or a wave and maybe just maybe say hello. 

It hit me that it's my job as Elijah's mother (and my husband's) to show him that he's special. And that being friendly is always the right thing to do. 

We must model this behavior for him. Because clearly the world and the people living in it, will not always be as kind. But we have to press on and continue to be kind without expecting anything in return. 

I can see that it would be easy to get discouraged as a child. Especially one who is just learning to communicate. He tries to and people just stare at him like he's an alien. Seriously, people react more to puppies and kittens then they do to my son! 

And maybe it's the area in which we live. I sure hope so. I hope people are more friendly in less harsh of climates. But that isn't where we live. We live here. Here in MN where people can be very cold. And people tend to be antisocial unless they are drunk. 

But no matter what. It's still my job to impart God's love to my child(ren). 

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6 

Things aren't always what they seem

We've had a few rough nights this past week. Not quite sure why or what's the deal. But taking each new day as it comes and praying over our sweet boy. #Ebear has been clingy & really wants to be near us at night. I'm not one for forcing the issue when it comes to sleep. I follow my instincts. My mama radar is up. And either he's working through a growth spurt of epik proportions or perhaps he's about to learn a bunch of words and his brain is on overdrive. He's had a few other spells of sleep regression that appears as anxiety on the surface and in about 6-8 days it works itself out. And he's back to spending nights in his crib. Until then, I sit back and enjoy the cuddles because before we know he will be big & won't need them. #iloveyou #4amconfessions #momlife

Parenting is hard but it isn't a death sentence

Matt said everything I thought about that ridiculous viral video. 

I sleep. Last night I slept 5 hours in a row and then 4 more hours. 

I also ate four meals yesterday and made a few crochet projects.

And my job allows me to shop and clean and I don't stand all the time. I sit a lot. I sit and read books. I sit and play games and do puzzles. I sit and breastfeed. We snuggle and lay around sometimes. Especially when E was a tiny baby. It was all encompassing and hard but it wasn't torture. It was amazing and beautiful. And every day is beautiful. 

 

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/04/15/motherhood-isnt-tougher-than-fatherhood-but-maybe-we-should-all-stop-competing/

4 | 52

WEEK FOUR

A Photo Series

* 'A photo of our child once a week, every week for a year'*

1.25.13

E enjoyed hanging out in the hotel! All sorts of new furniture to climb and things to discover! 

I think this is his "another picture mom?" face!

Valentine's photo shoot

\\ A mother's heart //

 

I could sit here and complain about how I have been stuck in the house with Elijah since December 29th. We've only left twice to get food. But this is my reality. I started to post things to Facebook when the weather was ruining our plans but then I realized that I shouldn't do that. I prayed and felt much better. We must make the best of our realities. Whatever they may be. I cannot change that my car is broken and the weather is frightful. The cold forced us to postpone Elijah's Birthday party. I had a momentary sadness about it. But then I slept on it and prayed and rescheduled it for January 11th. I must choose to enjoy myself. I can keep my hands and mind busy with cleaning, crafts, and playing with Elijah.

When it is warm out, people complain that it is too hot. Then, when winter hits, people complain that it's too cold. I wonder if it is like this everywhere or is it just a Midwestern thing? Is life THAT boring that people must complain about these mundane things? Why do we have to complain at all? It is quite disheartening to read all of the complaints about children on Facebook. Most children spend their days in institutions away from their parents. When school is canceled because it is so cold out that the temperature could literally freeze our skin, parents complain that they can't handle being with their kids any longer. "One more day with my kids and I am going lose my mind." Are you serious? That makes me sad when I read that kind of thing. Keep that to yourself. Take those thoughts to Jesus and leave them there.

Young children look to their parents for attention and love and validation. The way we treat them alters their view of God and Jesus. How could they grow up to believe that a BIG GOD exists that loves them fiercely when their earthly parents don't love them appropriately. Children are sweet and have vulnerable hearts. I am a woman so I come at this subject from a mother's perspective. As mothers, it's our job to guard the hearts of our children, teach them patience and guide them as they grow. They learn by our example. If we set a bad example, how can we expect our children to act right? It is important that we realize, what we do when our children aren't looking is just as important as when they are watching. Secrets we keep and things we say or type out on Facebook can affect our children.

I believe whole heartedly that the Bible is true. The only true word of God. and the Bible says,

Galations 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

If we sow our negative thoughts, negativity will come back to us. It is God's law. The world has twisted it to be "karma" but it is reaping and sowing. Plain and simple. We have to make sure that as Christ followers, we pray and seek the right thing. I often fall short and get sad. But what I have learned is, it is important to not run from any of our feelings. What is important is, how we act about those feelings. We may feel sick of being cooped up indoors but we cannot let that affect how we act towards our children. We can feel annoyed but it isn't our children's fault that we feel this way. Those children did NOT choose to exist. We are the ones who chose to have sex and conceive them. Then once they are here, we are annoyed with them? To me, that doesn't seem logical. It is most definitely not right.
It is our job to raise our children. WE are ALL born with a sinful nature. And we want what we want. As mothers (and fathers) it is our duty to teach our children how to act and how to live in a free society. We have to show our children the right way. WE have to be ever present and learning from our mistakes. We have to realize that it is NOT a child's fault that they are bratty or annoying. Somewhere along the way, that means, as a parent we may have made some mistakes. We have to sit down and repent of those mistakes and ask the Lord to help us do better and do right by our children.

We cannot let our children rule over us. Because they will and honestly, it is our fault if we let them. Children will manipulate and get the things they want; Adults do this too. It is up to us as the adults to set boundaries and speak kindly to them. We must be firm, and loving.

I know I only have a one year old baby. But let me tell you, he is determined. ALL day, I am telling him no and redirecting his behavior. He tries and tries and keeps on trying to get his way. I have to be loving and firm. If I let him win, he will think he runs the show. And I can already see that I have to win every battle that arises. If I don't do it now, he will be even THAT much harder to deal with as he gets bigger.

By the time he is 5 or 6, I want him to be able to enjoy the beautiful world around him and also know that he has to listen to me and to Kaleb. And if he doesn't there will be consequences. And not empty lame words without follow through. I mean actual, real consequences. Empty threats that we spew out don't do any good because kids learn that they are empty. Then they rule the show.

That's all I have for now on this subject. I am slowly learning and gleaning wisdom. One year of parenting down. And it was the easy year. Now comes the beginning of the hard work.

Lord, I pray that with each passing day I seek You more and continually do my best to see things through Your eyes. Thank You, for Elijah and the gift of being a mother. It means the world to me. Thank You, for Kaleb. Thank You, for a warm house and the food on our table. The lasagna we had tonight was wonderful!
Thank You, for, Jesus.
Through Him I pray,
Amen.