Is this really the BEST we can do?

Why do we have the view that a one year old should be able to handle being all alone at night??

Why is it "babyish" for a 4 year old to need his mom? 

Why is an infant expected to sleep through the night? 

Why is 2 the magic potty training age? 

Why is breastfeeding past age one such a stigma? 

Why is an 18 month old expected to always feed themselves and stop being like a baby? 

Why is needing to be held a bad thing? At any age? 

WHY? 

These are just a few of the questions I have about our American modern parenting ideas. 

Since becoming a parent, I have learned one major thing: The American way of parenting is a bunch of cow poop! Seriously! 

There are all of these expectations. Demanding that children grow up faster than they need to is the main one. The moment a child is born there are all sorts of expectations. And the infant is constantly failing. Never measuring up to what society says he or she should be doing! 

But my question is, why!? Why do these expectations exist? Why do we cow tail to society? 

Why do we force babies to do things? Why don't more parents research what is ACTUALLY best for the baby!? --Not what doctors SAY is best. 

Why don't we let the baby stay a baby? They spend 9-10 months inside of our bodies. Then in a flash we expect them to detach and sleep all alone in a bassinet/crib. 

And my question is WHY? 

Cribs haven't always existed. And our human species kept going? How? 

Out on the African Safari, where parenting is simply instinctual, I'm sure they would find our idea of cribbing infants, completely ridiculous. Because they keep their children close at night.

 Or if we asked them how many times a day does your baby eat? They wouldn't have a clue what we were asking. Because they simply nurse their baby every time he/she needs them. And they don't write down how long they fed or at what time. They don't wean their children. They just live. Breastfeeding is necessary for survival. And that is how I view breastfeeding. And I don't care what anyone thinks or says. I will nurse Elijah as long as he wants. I trust that he will stop when he no longer needs the comfort and security of my bosom. Until then, back off! 

I digress, back to my original thought process, why? 

Why can't a baby stay a baby? I had no idea that as my child turned one and continued to grow taller and stronger, that people would look down on me for nursing, cosleeping, and cuddling. Why is it, one, any of your business? And two, why is it a bad thing to let Elijah be attached to me? I see that he is thriving and healthy. He is social and loves people. He is smiley and verbal & very observant. He isn't shy. He is loud and friendly. 

People often compliment me and Kaleb on how cute and friendly E is. And I always think, a lot of work went into allowing him to become himself. And a lot of thought went into his life. --Caring about HIS feelings. Putting him first and putting him above my wants and my feelings. 

I wonder how he would be if I forced him to detach. If I kept him at arms length. If I was planning how to get him to be self soothing before he even learns to talk? Would he be scared? Would he be shy? 

I'm glad I don't know the answers to those questions. 

I think as parents, in 2014, in America, we should question more things. We should question doctors. We should question other parents! Instead of saying, nonchalantly, "I did what was best for my child". When in reality, we often choose what is BEST for us and we label it "best for our child". We hide behind this facade. The facade that we aren't selfish beings. Many parenting choices aren't for the BEST interest of the child involved. The choices are for us. Why do we want the baby to sleep through the night? Because we are tired? Because WE WANT SLEEP? Do we ever take a moment to think about the child's needs? Because we should. Their physiological and emotional needs should come first! FIRST!

Why do we jam pacifiers into brand new, newborns mouths? Why don't we figure out what they NEED first? More than likely, they are hungry OR they want to be held. I never gave a paci to Elijah before trying everything else. Every time he seemed agitated, I nursed him. Every. Time. Pacifiers being in a baby's mouth constantly is unnatural. The baby is so tiny and I see what parents do, they jam the pacifier in and hold it there until the baby succumbs to it. I think a paci used appropriately is a different story. But it shouldn't be the first solution. It should be the last. It has NEVER given me a happy feeling. Like the feeling I get when I hear a baby cry and then watch as the mother soothes the babe with her breast. It's beautiful! Simple. Lovely. I get weepy talking about it. It's something so human and beautiful. It's also something incredibly holy and sacred. I hope I will be a breastfeeding mother for the next 10 years. I would be okay if E nursed and then another baby came and we kept on nursing. 

I will end on this note:::: 

 We should want what is TRULY best for our kids. God gives us the best. He sent His son to die so we could have eternal life. The least, LEAST we can do is love our children and give them the best of us. 

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8 NIV)

Thank you, Mom!

I've been thinking about all the things my mother has done for me and my siblings. And I thought I would make a list of as many of those things as I could.

THANK YOU, for, putting us first. 

THANK YOU, for, sacrificing so Kiah and I could attend Faith Christian School. 

THANK YOU, for, homeschooling us. It gave me a working knowledge. We didn't have to worry about tests or grades. It was about the learning. And it created a fire within me to always seek to learn new things. I am so thankful to have been educated at home. I was able to choose what I wanted to learn. It made me excited about knowledge.  

THANK YOU, for, making us matching outfits. We always looked so cute. You made sure our clothing wasn't awkward or weird. 

THANK YOU, for, taking so many photos of our childhood. I have so many photos to look back on and enjoy. I don't have to wonder what I looked like as a baby, toddler, child, tween or teenager. 

THANK YOU, for, listening. We could always come to you with our problems and vent. And we still can. 

THANK YOU, for, controlling our food intake and cooking amazing meals. And keeping us healthy. You set rules in place and we didn't dare disobey. And we always asked mommy first for treats. It taught us self control and discipline. And now we know how to be healthy and not over indulge. 

THANK YOU, for, letting me pick my toothbrush and toothpaste. It is the little things we could control that helped us gain confidence and have us the security to make choices. And also to not feel too controlled. Positive choices and affirming those choices goes a long way. 

THANK YOU, for, setting everything up for deiver's ed. And then helping me get my deiver's license. And even when I failed the first time, thank you for staying positive. 2nd times the charm! 

THANK YOU, for, making me take keyboarding in high school even though I fought you tooth and nail, verbally. I was so rude and you just stuck to your guns. And now I have a lasting skill that helped me greatly to obtain two college degrees! 

THANK YOU, for, bringing us to Burger King every Tuesday in SC. I have such beautiful memories of those times. And plenty of the plastic toys to prove it! Gotta love Kids meals! 

THANK YOU, for, planning amazingly fun birthday parties for each one of us EVERY year! Not until I was older did I learn that other kids don't get birthday parties for each year! I assumed they did. And once I learned they didn't I felt even more blessed! 

THANK YOU, for, reading to is for hours and hours. I have coloring books all colored in to remind me of how many hours we spent listening to you read, Elsie Dinsmore and Narnia. I can't wait for the day I can read to my children! 💙

THANK YOU, for, bringing us to church all by yourself. Now that I have Elijah, I can't imagine how you did it all. It's hard enough with one child! 

THANK YOU, for, caring to make it possible for me to get baptized at Faith Assembly  in South Carolina. 

 THANK YOU, for, teaching is the truth about life. Because you taught us about Jesus and God and the Bible we have a foundation. And a view of life theough the lens of truth. It has helped me to be counter cultural, to question the world's ideas. And above all, to know that I am loved. 

THANK YOU, for, teaching us to think for ourselves. Because you taught us the truth. It gave me the ability to really think about situations! And to see reality in spite of how things appear on the outside. 

THANK YOU, for, letting me find my own way. And for trusting God with my future. It must have been scary. But you trusted God's word. 

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10-11

2013

 

I am friends with my sisters because you cultivated the love between us. You didn't force me, as the oldest to care for my siblings. I never felt forced to protect them or mother them. Because you were always around to do that. 

THANK YOU, MOM. 

I AM WHO I AM TODAY BECAUSE OF THE TIME YOU SPENT WITH ME AS A CHILD
I LOVE YOU! 

3 | 52

3 | 52

A Photo Series

* 'A photo of our child once a week, every week for a year'*

Elijah loves to hang out in my dad's rickety old recliner! I can tell he feels like a big boy in this chair! He acts the same way in our La-Z-boy! SO stinkin' cute!

\\ A mother's heart //

 

I could sit here and complain about how I have been stuck in the house with Elijah since December 29th. We've only left twice to get food. But this is my reality. I started to post things to Facebook when the weather was ruining our plans but then I realized that I shouldn't do that. I prayed and felt much better. We must make the best of our realities. Whatever they may be. I cannot change that my car is broken and the weather is frightful. The cold forced us to postpone Elijah's Birthday party. I had a momentary sadness about it. But then I slept on it and prayed and rescheduled it for January 11th. I must choose to enjoy myself. I can keep my hands and mind busy with cleaning, crafts, and playing with Elijah.

When it is warm out, people complain that it is too hot. Then, when winter hits, people complain that it's too cold. I wonder if it is like this everywhere or is it just a Midwestern thing? Is life THAT boring that people must complain about these mundane things? Why do we have to complain at all? It is quite disheartening to read all of the complaints about children on Facebook. Most children spend their days in institutions away from their parents. When school is canceled because it is so cold out that the temperature could literally freeze our skin, parents complain that they can't handle being with their kids any longer. "One more day with my kids and I am going lose my mind." Are you serious? That makes me sad when I read that kind of thing. Keep that to yourself. Take those thoughts to Jesus and leave them there.

Young children look to their parents for attention and love and validation. The way we treat them alters their view of God and Jesus. How could they grow up to believe that a BIG GOD exists that loves them fiercely when their earthly parents don't love them appropriately. Children are sweet and have vulnerable hearts. I am a woman so I come at this subject from a mother's perspective. As mothers, it's our job to guard the hearts of our children, teach them patience and guide them as they grow. They learn by our example. If we set a bad example, how can we expect our children to act right? It is important that we realize, what we do when our children aren't looking is just as important as when they are watching. Secrets we keep and things we say or type out on Facebook can affect our children.

I believe whole heartedly that the Bible is true. The only true word of God. and the Bible says,

Galations 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

If we sow our negative thoughts, negativity will come back to us. It is God's law. The world has twisted it to be "karma" but it is reaping and sowing. Plain and simple. We have to make sure that as Christ followers, we pray and seek the right thing. I often fall short and get sad. But what I have learned is, it is important to not run from any of our feelings. What is important is, how we act about those feelings. We may feel sick of being cooped up indoors but we cannot let that affect how we act towards our children. We can feel annoyed but it isn't our children's fault that we feel this way. Those children did NOT choose to exist. We are the ones who chose to have sex and conceive them. Then once they are here, we are annoyed with them? To me, that doesn't seem logical. It is most definitely not right.
It is our job to raise our children. WE are ALL born with a sinful nature. And we want what we want. As mothers (and fathers) it is our duty to teach our children how to act and how to live in a free society. We have to show our children the right way. WE have to be ever present and learning from our mistakes. We have to realize that it is NOT a child's fault that they are bratty or annoying. Somewhere along the way, that means, as a parent we may have made some mistakes. We have to sit down and repent of those mistakes and ask the Lord to help us do better and do right by our children.

We cannot let our children rule over us. Because they will and honestly, it is our fault if we let them. Children will manipulate and get the things they want; Adults do this too. It is up to us as the adults to set boundaries and speak kindly to them. We must be firm, and loving.

I know I only have a one year old baby. But let me tell you, he is determined. ALL day, I am telling him no and redirecting his behavior. He tries and tries and keeps on trying to get his way. I have to be loving and firm. If I let him win, he will think he runs the show. And I can already see that I have to win every battle that arises. If I don't do it now, he will be even THAT much harder to deal with as he gets bigger.

By the time he is 5 or 6, I want him to be able to enjoy the beautiful world around him and also know that he has to listen to me and to Kaleb. And if he doesn't there will be consequences. And not empty lame words without follow through. I mean actual, real consequences. Empty threats that we spew out don't do any good because kids learn that they are empty. Then they rule the show.

That's all I have for now on this subject. I am slowly learning and gleaning wisdom. One year of parenting down. And it was the easy year. Now comes the beginning of the hard work.

Lord, I pray that with each passing day I seek You more and continually do my best to see things through Your eyes. Thank You, for Elijah and the gift of being a mother. It means the world to me. Thank You, for Kaleb. Thank You, for a warm house and the food on our table. The lasagna we had tonight was wonderful!
Thank You, for, Jesus.
Through Him I pray,
Amen.