Isaiah 43:2
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
I
have been thinking and praying about what to say for this blog entry. .. I have
said before how strongly I feel about birthing naturally. I want to briefly
touch base on those reasons as they have now become even clearer, considering I
have personal experience to back up my beliefs. I also want to give a detailed
account of the 30 hours that I spent in labor; as best I can. So many parts are
such a blur. I want to tell my favorite moments and list advice and things I
would do differently now that I can look back on the event.
I
am going to start with an account of the 30.5 hours I spent in labor; as best
of an account as I can give. Hopefully I can add in anecdotes from my sisters,
mom and Kaleb.
New Year's Eve we went to my friend Rachel's house for a party. It was so fun! We got dressed up and I actually put makeup on. LOL. We talked with friends and laughed a lot. It was a good time! I am going to say that it is what got my labor going! It took my mind off the fact that I was sick of being pregnant. And I was surrounded by loving wonderful people. I also ate a lot of those little wienies in the crock pot. They were SO good!! YUM!! I craved them after labor. he he.
I
believe I had my first contraction around 1:00 am 1.1.13. But I was seeping and
continued to sleep until 3:45am. The contractions woke me up but they were not
very intense. They felt almost identical to period cramps except they were
coming and going. I got out of bed at 4:10am and went into the living room to
watch TV. I hoped that would distract me. I woke Kaleb up around 5:30am to let
him know what was happening. We waited until 6am to call my mom. We also let my
sister Kiah know (who lives 2 hrs. away). We then slowly got the rest of the
stuff in the car. I was so excited to be in labor finally.
{{We
had some mix ups when it came to my due date and we had been waiting since
December 15, 2012 for Baby to arrive! The due date was readjusted to
12.25.12.}}
We
stayed at my parents’ home until 11am. Then we made our way to Willmar because
we live too far from the midwife for her to travel to our house. So we decided
to birth in a hotel. I am so glad we did this! We had a suite and it had 2
rooms which made it nice for my mom and sisters. My sisters slept in the other
room.
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| Kaleb helping me through a contraction |
We
arrived at the hotel and our car was the only one in the parking lot. Basically, the hotel was empty. Perhaps there were a few railroad guys staying there but that's about it. We got settled in as soon as we arrived. My contractions were coming about every 5
or 6 minutes and lasting one minute each. Kaleb unpacked our clothes and
organized the supplies. Some things needed time to warm up as they had gotten
cold from being in the car. Kaleb then went and retrieved Subway for everyone.
I regret NOT chowing down that entire sub. I had no idea that the next day
would be so intense. Let’s recap, the labor started at 3am 1.1.13 and it was
now 1.1.13 midafternoon. My contractions were 4-6 mins. apart lasting one
minute I could still talk through them.
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| Being a model |
The midwife L arrived around 2pm I believe and
she recommended that we all eat and try and get some rest. So Kaleb and I
cuddled up and dimmed the lights. He pushed on my back when I would have a
contraction. Around 6pm I could no longer talk through them and I felt most
comfortable on my knees, bending over the bed or the stool. My sisters and mom
rubbed my back and arms simultaneously during each contraction and that helped
a great deal. . I am not sure but I believe it was around 6:30pm when midwife L
came back to check on us; She had gone to a movie and to see her dad. It was
after resting that labor seemed to pick up. I was in much more active labor at this point.
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| Active labor has started |
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| resting between contractions |
I did lunges and squats between contractions to move baby further down and to open up my pelvis. I enjoyed doing this. It really picked things up; or so it seemed. Midwife R arrived around 9pm 1.1.13 and checked my cervix and I was dilated to 3cm. I thought to myself, ONLY 3cm!!! In my mind, I was a little discouraged. I know it was important to know how far I was dilated. But it made me feel a bit defeated that after 18 hours and tons of intense contractions, I was barely dilated. But I just decided I wouldn’t voice any of it out loud and I would just talk to God in my head. And that is exactly what I did. I did some more squatting and did my best to breathe through the intense and overlapping contractions. The midwives monitored my heart rate and baby’s heart rate.
My mom was amazing this entire time. She stayed by my side for every
contraction My mom was there holding my hand the whole time. It was a blessing.
There is absolutely no way I would have made it through without her. I labored
with horrible, intense pressure in my pelvis for several hours. I can’t give a
timeline, because I quit asking what time it was and I stopped looking at the
clock. Heck, I could barely open my eyes, I was so exhausted. Kaleb believes it
was around 1 or 2am 1.2.13 that they prepared the tub for me to see if that
would help me relax and let me get my head on straight. But once I got into the
tub, I hated it, I felt like I was going to fall over, I felt like I was going
to pass out, I felt like my body was on fire (the water wasn’t all that hot), I
felt so many things. And none of them were good. I meditated and prayed to
myself in the water and I stayed in there for about 35 minutes. Once, I managed
to get back out of the tub, with help from Kaleb, I went and laid down in the
bed to labor there for a while. I was just so so tired. During that time, I had
many blankets on
me and a heating pad on my back to help with the back labor pains. I spent
somewhere around 2 hours laying on my side, doing my best to breathe through
the contractions; With coaching from my mother and midwife L. And then I
completely relaxed while I wasn’t having one. But they were coming faster and
faster and I had, had so many and for so many hours. I don’t know exactly when,
it may have even been before I got in the tub, but my mom went to take a small snooze and
left my sister Kiah to help me breathe. She did a great job but I could tell
she seemed kind of overwhelmed. But she did do her best to help me.
Recap:: I had intense contractions that should
have been transitioning contractions, from 9pm 1.1.13 – 4am 1.2.13. In my mind
I was losing it. I felt defeated. I felt desperate. But I refused to give up. I
was GOING to deliver this baby!
The
most intense moments were when I had to go to the restroom. I had powerful
overwhelming excruciating contractions on the toilet. I dreaded those. I was
alone in the bathroom for a moment at one point and then I yelled for my
“mommy”. I haven’t called my mom, “mommy” in years. But in this desperate hour,
I sure did!! I was praying constantly between contractions and despite
overwhelming contractions, I felt God near.
.. I was overwhelmed but not alone. …
I
was so exhausted and worn out for the last 5 hours of my labor. The midwives
decided to give me orange juice with extra sugar added in it. This did not taste
good at all but I needed the energy that the sugar would provide. Also, throughout
the night they fed me honey on a spoon and I ate a few crackers. But I was
feeling so nauseous that I couldn’t eat much else. The midwives assured me that
throwing up can help dilate, but I was already having such an awful time and my
labor was not turning out to be anything like what I had imagined/prayed/journaled.
Barfing was most definitely NOT on my list of things I wanted to happen.
Around
4 or 5 am, midwife R checked my cervix and I was at 6cm. Once again, I thought
to myself, ONLY 6 centimeters! What in the world is going on down there! At
this point, after being in labor for 24 hours, I was exhausted. I have never
been so overwhelmingly tired in all my life. Once midwife R checked my cervix,
and I was only 6cm and I was so tired and baby H was getting tired, midwife R
decided it was time to intervene.
I am also not sure what time my water broke exactly
but my sister Kiah believes it was around 5 am 1.2.13 or so. . it was shortly
before the midwife checked me and I was 6cm. Things felt so much worse after
that. Baby was so active throughout all of labor. But the kicking really hurt after
the water ruptured. I was feeling discouraged at this point. It was not the
beautiful, serene, peaceful experience that I had journaled and dreamt about.
It was intense and overwhelming and lasting forever!!!! I don’t remember saying
this but Kaleb told me after my water broke, I seemed confused and scared. He
told me it was good it broke and I asked Why? That’s so interesting because in
real life, I know why, and I would not have asked that. But I was becoming
delirious at this point. I felt SUCH intense pressure after my water broke.
Midwife
R told me she was going to use her fingers to open my cervix. The intense
pressure I was feeling was baby’s head pinching my cervix between my pubic
bone. It was the worst feeling I had felt yet. That is, until she was manually
opening my cervix with her fingers, that pain/feeling was worst of all, she did
this with each contraction. During each contraction she used evening primrose
oil and rubbed and stretched my cervix. As I type this, I can still remember
and almost feel that intense feeling of her actions. It was reassuring that
After about 5 contractions I was 6.5cm and about 10 more contractions I was at
7 and it went on this way. Until after some time, she said, you are at 9.5cm
and she was just going to make sure the rest of my cervix was out of the way,
she held back the lip of my cervix through several more contractions. All the
while, I am basically screaming and trying not to scream and trying to focus on
my breath. But I was literally out of control. . At least I felt that way in my
head. I felt crazy. I said things like, “I just want it over with, I’m over it,
this is stupid, I can’t do this anymore, ooooowwwwwwwweeeeeeee, ouch, ouch
ouch, I don’t know how to be anymore” And I am sure I said plenty of other
ridiculous things..
And
finally around 8:45 am 1.2.13, I was at 10 cm and we were ready to PUSH! Only a mere 29
hours after labor had started!
I
look back on pushing and it was the best part of the whole experience. I was
totally wiped out, exhausted. But so so s000oo00o ready for it to all be over. I
said more hilarious things once this phase started. . That was helpful. They decided that because I was so tired, it
would be best if I stayed in the bed, flat on my back and then Kaleb and my mom
could each hold a leg. It looked like I was squatting but lying on my back. I
was fine with this, because in all honesty I don’t believe I could have
supported myself and stood up or actually squatted, I could not hold my head up
for more than a few moments at a time. I had been feeling contractions that
were so intense that the contractions during pushing seemed different. I think
it was partly the lack of energy and pure exhaustion but I kept saying I couldn't tell if I was having a contraction and should I push? And the midwives reassured
me that every time I said, I’m not sure if I’m having one, I was.
A
few funny things happened while I was pushing. After about 15 minutes of
pushing, midwife R showed Kaleb that the baby’s head was visible--. About a
quarter sized piece of the head. And Kaleb got so excited that he had a hold of
my leg and he shook it. I yelped, AAGGHHH Kaleb! Don’t shake my leg! But we all
laughed, because Kaleb was just so excited to finally see our baby (boy or girl?)!!!
The other funny thing also involved Kaleb. He had a hold of my leg with one
hand and was trying to reach for the ottoman, which was behind him, with his
other hand. But in doing so, he was taking my leg further out to the side and
it was stretching my joint and hurting! I don’t know if I said something first
or the midwives. I think I just made an unpleasant sound. And Kaleb said,
sorry, I was just trying to grab that so I could sit, my back hurts. And
simultaneously, both midwives, in the sweetest calm tone, they said “no one
cares, Kaleb”. We all laughed! It was absolutely hilarious!!
As
I was pushing with each contraction, I got about 3-4 pushes with each. I really
pushed up until the last moment and even past each contraction. I wanted that
baby OUT!! I may have even pushed when there wasn’t a contraction. The
determination inside of me had taken over. I pushed on my side for several
contractions & I held on to mom through those and squeezed, THEY HURT. Then
they were going to move me onto my left side. But I was struggling, I had no
energy to even switch sides. Then midwife R changed her mind. And said, ya know
what, let’s just keep you on your back. She spoke so calmly and peacefully. It
really helped soothe my mind. The midwives also gave me a homeopathic rescue
remedy that boosted my energy level. And Baby’s heart rate went down to around
80 beats per minute and they prefer it to stay above 88 bpm. This is when they
gave me oxygen. I enjoyed that very much. It helped my body relax and I felt a
tiny bit more energy. When the head started to become more visible I reached
down and touched the head, about
baseball size was visible. It was softer than I imagined it would be. This
is when midwife R prepared me for what was to come. I was to push until she
said stop and then make the sound “PUH PUH PUH” with my mouth. She was going to
stretch my skin slowly using olive oil. She wanted to prevent any tearing. I
prayed that of all the things, I really did NOT want to tear. Things were
already pretty much not what I had expected or what I had envisioned. So, I at
least wanted to be skin tear free. I would push, then midwife R would say stop,
PUH PUH PUH and mom helped me by repeating “PUH, PUH, PUH”. Everyone kept
reassuring me and telling me I was doing it. It was really happening now and it
was almost over. I wanted it over so badly! I wanted to meet our child! I think
I pushed saying “PUH PUH PUH” 3 or 4 times and then the head was out. The first
thing I noticed when I saw his head out was the size of his cheeks! They were
so cute and chubby. I used the oxygen and breathed until another contraction,
the midwife had her hands down, ready to catch the baby. I pushed and a
shoulder came out, I pushed and the rest of the baby slid out and midwife R
plopped him on my chest. They were suctioning his mouth and wiping his bottom.
We were all so excited and so tired we hadn’t looked at baby to see what we
had, boy or girl?? My mom then said, wait what do we have? After thirty hours
of laboring and 30 minutes of pushing it was over! We looked and I had just
given birth to a healthy beautiful BABY BOY!
ELIJAH
THOMAS HOLZHAUER was born on January 2, 2013 at 9:21 am, weighing in at 8
pounds 14 ounces and 21 ¾ inches long!! Labor was 30.5 hours!
He
stayed on my chest while they examined him and watched his breathing and heart
rate. We waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing. When it stops pulsing
that means that it has detached from the uterine wall. About 10 minutes after
he was I pushed the placenta out. I was so happy! They clamped the cord and
Kaleb then cut the cord. J What an amazing thing that was!! He had
wanted to use his knife to cut it but he used sterile scissors.
IT WAS OVER! I HAD DONE IT!
I
should say WE HAD DONE IT!-- Because my mom was there by my (our) side helping
me and guiding me and praying for me the whole time. She was my rock through
this entire event.
It
is amazing that I was so exhausted then he arrived and I no longer felt tired
or anything. Besides the fact that I couldn’t walk very well and my tailbone
was sore, I felt amazing! My bottom felt as though I had fallen down a flight
of stairs on my butt! Going to the restroom soon after was quite intense to say
the least.
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| Normal Placenta |
Another
pretty amazing thing was discovered, Elijah’s placenta was called Velamentous
cord insertion. It happens in about 1% of pregnancies. It can cause
complications. But they would have been discovered. I would have been bleeding
and/or Elijah’s heart rate would have been erratic.
NOTE::::The reason she had to manually open my cervix was because even though my body had done a good job of softening and ripening my cervix, it was still quite firm and strong. It just didn’t want to open fully. They do believe that next time it will be softer and more ready to open. And if it is still being stubborn we will intervene before I am completely exhausted.
A THOUGHT::::: I am so thankful that we chose a midwife and a non hospital birth. Had I not been educated n my choices and chosen a midwife, I would have had a c-section. There is no way a doctor would have been so well versed on the proper ways to manually open a cervix. They would have just said, oh well you aren't progressing and baby is getting distressed. In order to save your baby we better do a cesarean. And that would have devastated me because we would like to have several children, at least 4 or so and there is no way my uterus would hold up through more than 4 c-sections. Praise Jesus for Certified Nurse Midwife Ruth Wingeier. She is brilliant! I highly recommend her! She is amazing!! She has incredible amounts of knowledge. FAR more knowledge than any OB/GYN when it comes to NATURAL childbirth! This is the Facebook page belonging to the birth center she owns..
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alishas-Care-Center/245493478798620
MY
ADVICE!!!------->
To
anyone about to have a child, I recommend purchasing two things:
1. Tea tree oil—this has
antibacterial properties and it smells great. 2-3 drops added to the warm water
you put in the squirt bottle. It was such a comfort for me. Postpartum is like
having a giant period and this simple addition left me feeling good. The smell
was lovey also!
2. Buy a squirt bottle -- the
hospital usually provides one to cleanse your bottom……
3. In the beginning of labor, EAT EAT EAT!!
4. Sleep and rest the entire month you are due. every night go to bed early. We made the mistake of staying up til 12:30 am on New Year's Eve. So I hadn't slept very much before waking up with contractions.
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| 10 MINUTES AFTER BIRTH |
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| TWO DAYS OLD! |
:::::MY THOUGHTS AND CONCLUSION:::::
I
have thought and prayed long and hard about the next part of this story. I know
that God wants us to follow His ways and do what His word says. With that in
mind I have taken several life altering amazing things away from this grueling
intense experience.
I
knew there was a reason for childbirth. There is a reason for it because God
created it. And I whole heartedly believe that. And if God created it, then
that means there is something we are supposed to learn through doing it. In
this case, I believe the areas we are to grow in are extremely important to
further understanding Jesus.
Pregnancy
is a waiting game. And what is a major thing we as human beings struggle with?
PATIENCE! Just when I think I have a handle on it, I mess up again. It is a
never ending battle. Especially towards the end of pregnancy, it is such a
waiting game. So much of what goes on is unknown and is meant to be that way.
Doctors cannot figure out what exactly starts labor. It is individual to each
woman AND individual to EACH pregnancy. Each new soul has a different pregnancy
process. I find that astounding and beautiful. God wants us to be patient
through the process and TRUST HIM to take care of us. And even though my labor
was crazy hard and long, God took care of me. He had everything work out in His
timing.
I
specifically know that it was HIS timing. My aunt in South Carolina is taking
care of my grandparents. My grandpa is in and out of the hospital and around
the time that I was in labor he was in the hospital because he had an infection
in his colon/intestinal tract (C-DIF). My aunt has a routine that is as
follows, she drops my grandma off at the hospital around 11am, after breakfast,
goes home and home educates her children In the morning, she doesn’t go into
the hospital she simply drops my grandma off at the doors and goes home. When
she was dropping my grandma off, she was going in to tell him about his new
great grandson! Elijah had been born at 10:21am their time just before they
were leaving for the hospital, she was going into the hospital to tell my
grandpa the news. And this particular midmorning, when she walked in, there was
feces everywhere. Whoever had helped my grandpa to the restroom, had not taken
off their gloves and continued to do things in the room. It was on the floor,
the bed railing, the sheets, and it was under my grandpa’s fingernails! My aunt
was furious. It was just plain disgusting and especially since his infection is
highly contagious!!! And my grandma was so upset because she can’t see very
well and would have been exposed. But because of God’s great plan, Elijah had
been born and my aunt didn’t just drop my grandma off after breakfast and drive
away, she went in to tell my grandpa the
news. So little did we know, that God would use my long labor and Elijah’s
birth to save my grandma from being exposed and also let my aunt discover what
had happened to my grandpa and get the hospital employees to clean it up. My aunt
also spoke with the hospital nursing supervisor to make sure they got to the
bottom of things and figure out what exactly happened. Someone needs to be properly
trained about proper techniques! I am glad my long labor had a greater plan.
Another example of God working things out for our good.
I chose natural labor. And I want to make it very clear, this isn’t about anyone else. This is about me and my own life. I won’t presume to say what others should do. We all hold different beliefs and convictions. If we don’t hold the same beliefs then our choices may look different. Through childbirth God wants us as men and women to understand a few things. I didn’t want to miss what those things were/are simply because It might be hard work. . If I believe through all things Christ strengthens me, why not through labor and delivery??
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
--Philippians 4:13--
I knew there were things God wanted me to:
1. Attain
2. Learn
3. Feel
4. Experience
5. See
6. Touch
7. Realize
8. Know
9. Comprehend
10. Share
11. Grow in
12. Know
I wasn’t sure of what those things were until I experienced the process myself. Now I see what those first things are and I know there will be more to come. For me there are 2 main things so far.
1. Through extreme sorrow, pain, hard work, agony, uncertainty, confusion, emotion, distress, comes the MOST REAL, BEAUTIFUL, LIBERATING, OVERWHELMING, INTENSE JOY & LOVE. The love I feel for my son is indescribable. The joy he brings me is overwhelming.
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| http://www.free-spirit-photography.com/ |
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| http://www.free-spirit-photography.com/ |
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| http://www.free-spirit-photography.com/ |
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http://www.free-spirit-photography.com
Just as the Bible says----------“ A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”John 16:21 NIV |
^^^^^That is exactly what I experienced.^^^^^ I was going through the worst thing ever and then all of a sudden it was completely over and I was back to my normal self. I was so high on the rush of it all. The natural hormones kicked in and I felt fantastic! I was ready to bond with my son!
Here is the second thing I have come to understand:
2. If all things in life point back to Jesus, then childbirth must do so as well. I believe that this experience laid me at the foot of the cross, at the feet of Jesus. In my hour of need, I silently (because I had no energy) prayed and meditated on God’s truth. That wherever I am Jesus will bring His kingdom and stand by my side if I call His name. And in this case, I simply thought about Him. I knew He would carry me. That was how my Savior helped me in my hour of need, He carried my mind and my thoughts elsewhere. I didn’t have the feeling of total discouragement, even if I was acting that way on the outside. There was a piece of me that was being carried by God.
"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ...
***PSALM 91***
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
***PSALM 91***
I can talk a good talk as a Christ Follower but actually living it out is another story. Here are some more of what I gleaned as I contemplate the spiritual impact this experience had on who I am.
It changed me.
Life is about constant change.
Mary gave birth to Jesus in just the way I gave birth to Elijah. There were no doctors, no IV pumps, no medications. And she did it. She set aside her whole self so that the world could be saved. She worked hard to bring him into this world. And she knew the spiritual significance of partnering with God to create a soul. And even though I was not bringing the Christ child into the world, I know that by experiencing a bit of what Mary did, it has brought me that much closer in my relationship with Jesus. And as believers in Christ isn’t that the point of our existence to walk where Jesus walked and point others to Him?
Okay so this is the most profound part of this experience. My favorite part. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. On Calvary, He took my place (and the place of all mankind). And He rose 3 days later. He suffered so that I will have eternal life. It took suffering and death to save the world from sin. The wages of sin is death, is what the Bible says. It now makes THAT much more sense why we suffer to bring life into this world. It is to see just a mere glimpse of the sacrifice our JESUS made for US! We accept his suffering but many of us aren’t willing to suffer in return. And I want to be willing.
This is semi-related. So during pregnancy, my blood, through the umbilical cord brings LIFE to my growing child.
JESUS’ BLOOD brings life to our dying souls when we choose to believe in HIM.
-Such a profound experience.
Thanks for reading.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." --Isaiah 53:5
