Today's thoughts on friendship

Do you ever have those days where past hurts creep back in?
A day where Something reminds you of an old friendship?
A day where the Memories are hard to shake? You can do your best to stuff them down. Do your best to forget all the fun times, all the I love yous, all the BFF moments, all the hang outs, all the late night driving sessions venting about men, all the future planning, all the phone calls, all the movies we watched, all the paper letters we wrote, all the prayers we prayed, the times we went to church together, all the late nights, all the dinner dates, all the sleep overs and all the talks.
 But somedays it is hard.
Hard to shake.
These days I pray.
I pray for you.
I pray that you find comfort even though this has been a painful year for you.
I pray that God is near to you as you plan your wedding. As it approaches I pray that you see the Lord in all of the little miracles that happen.
I pray for you.

Feelings creep back in and You wonder how a person could be a friend for so long and then just decide you don't matter at all. 

Facebook doesn't help either because you see too much of a person's life. Before Facebook when friendships ended you never saw that person again. But now it isn't that way. I contemplate unfriending but that would be hurtful to the other person. But then I wonder why I care considering my feelings were crushed for no good reason. 

No

Good

Reason 

Today was one of those days for me. Where everything reminds me of an ex-friend. Not an ex-boyfriend but an ex-best friend. Someone you thought was going to be a lifelong friend. The kind of friend where you have them in your wedding and you are in theirs. 

I cried today thinking about things. 

Whenever I have one of these days, I give the sad negative feelings to God (metaphorically lay them at the foot of the cross) and I pray for peace and love to fill the spaces where the sad feelings were residing. 

I will continue doing this for as long as I need. 

I am thankful that the hurt days are fewer and farther apart. 

And I am thankful that God is faithful and loves me even when other people blatantly disregard my feelings. 

I also pray that I don't stop being friends with people that haven't done anything to me. I mean, I would understand if I had done something to deserve to be cut out of someone's life. But I didn't. What I did do was choose Jesus instead of alcohol. I chose Jesus over the party. I chose Jesus over sin. And my friend decided that the world was far far more important than our friendship. That is the hard part. Sitting back and watching as someone chooses the world instead of me.
I never meant to make my friend feel guilty by choosing to leave the worldly life behind. But that is what happened when I was open and honest and said I was no longer able to stand by and watch as she sins openly and in public.
I felt guilty enough that I had wasted so much time at bars and at parties.
That is the risk we take when we decide that JESUS is more important than the party. 

Ok. It's late and I've run out of the ability to make good and proper sentences. 

Goodnight & God Bless! 💜

Happy Birthday, Amanda!

So, it turns out that The Lord has given me a nifty little gift. The gift of being able to express myself through writing. I have decided that I will do my best to use this gift to glorify God. And He has shown me that to do that, I need to focus on the positive things about the people in my life. And write about those things.

 

Today is the Birthday of a very dear friend of mine. She is the first friend I have made through social media. All because another mutual friend introduced us. 

That was nearly two years ago! I can't believe it! I am excited that our children will be able to know each other for years to come!

Amanda and I have grown close because of our mutual love for Jesus. That mutual love permeates our choices and our view of life. It keeps us grounded. That love helps us with our insecurities. It helps us find our way when there seems to be no way. Friendships like this, for me, have been rare. But they are the best kind of friendships. This friendship contains two people who recognize that humanity is flawed and we need a Savior. 

Michael W. Smith sang it best "friends are friends forever if the Lord's The Lord of them". 

Yeah, corny, I know. But I'm feeling sappy. 

Amanda is many things. She is hardworking and kind. I always admire horse owners. It takes a special type of person to own those majestic animals. They need a lot of care and attention. They need toughness mixed with kindness. I always thought I wanted a horse until I took lessons and had to DO the work. 

Amanda does all she can to be a light to those around her. She is always there to listen when I need someone to talk. I do my best to do the same for her. She has talked me through several different situations. 

She takes her role as a mother and wife very seriously. E & baby #2 are very blessed to have a mother like Amanda. 

She is prayerful and loving. And puts others ahead of herself. She takes the time to think about things from another perspective and is not quick to judge. 

I feel as though we have been friends for a lifetime.

 I've never been a believer in romantic soul mates. But I do believe that there are ordained "soul mate" friendships. People that just click together. These friendships hold the test of time. 

True friends are hard to come by in this world. I feel beyond blessed to know Amanda. I am so thankful to God, for bringing us together. She has been an answer to many of my prayers. 

When friendships end badly, I tend to blame myself and internalize everything. Through my friendship with Amanda (and a few others), God has helped me to see that there isn't anything wrong with me. It is nice to know I can have an open heart in our friendship and it isn't going to get stomped on. Because I can trust my friend, Amanda with my feelings. 

It is a beautiful feeling to know that Amanda is my friend. 

A beautiful, sweet and loving friend! 

Happy Birthday, 

Amanda! 

I love you! 

PS: I couldn't decide on just one photo so I added them all! 💗

5 | 52

WEEK FIVE 

A Photo Series

* 'A photo of our child once a week, every week for a year'*

I set up a fun photoshoot for E & his little friend, little miss E!

This is my favorite one of Elijah from the day! 

I am so glad he puts up with my photo shenanigans!

1 | 52

WEEK ONE

A Photo Series

* 'A photo of our child once a week, every week for a year'*

I have seen that many blogger moms are doing or have done a once a week photo challenge of each one of their children. SO I have decided to start compiling one. I want to put my new camera to use. :)

I haven't had time to post the 3 so far. So here goes. These are unedited photos. I may start editing them but I am already three weeks behind.

I can't wait to see the finished product of all 52 weeks!!

Elijah did NOT enjoy his chocolate fudge birthday cake with chocolate fudge frosting. But he did enjoy taking a bath and washing all the frosting off of his hands, legs, arms and face. Thanks, Chloe for the photo! She quick grabbed the camera and snapped this shot!

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11628297/?claim=nn9cnd8fnp9">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

|| To my friend, Rachel ||

This year, I wanted to write a blog entry dedicated to you for your Birthday.
So while Elijah is napping, I thought I would tackle it.

I admire you for many reasons. I am going to write about each reason one at a time. That way I can be clear and concise as possible. Even though, there will probably still be some overlap and repetition of how awesome you are! ;)

||| You are an honest person. You are honest about yourself and your life. And even though you are honest, you are not rude. You keep Jesus as your guide and He helps you speak truthfully with love. You don't live in denial about anything. That is refreshing. So many people live in a place where they are not aware of themselves. They let their subconscious control far too much of their lives. And they blindly react from that place. You do not do this. You face things head on and do your best to pray and figure out how to get ahead of the issue. It is always refreshing to see you triumph over when Satan tries to knock you off your game.



||| You do not seek approval from this world. Plain and simply said. And that is a huge thing. Far too many of us have sought approval from this world and it is not worth it. You choose to set yourself apart and guard your heart. And the hearts of your children. You choose to avoid sinful behaviors and self gratification.

||| Rachel, you are a(n) extraordinary, brilliant, loving, fantastic, caring, funny, hardworking, dedicated,  great mother. And the word great doesn't even begin to do it justice. You live your faith so that your children can see. And in this culture, it is rare to find see a mother who puts their children ahead of themselves.
A mother who actually knows their children, individually.
A mother who looks at each one of her children & sees a unique beautiful creation.
A mother who parents each one of those children in a specifically different fashion.
A mother who cares more about the heart of the matter.
A mother who fully gets understands, that children react in situations the only way they know how, by their raw emotions.

A mother who sees her children's future as the real goal.
A mother who loves to see her children succeed triumph.
A mother who finds joy in seeing her children smile.
A mother who researches to find the best possible solution to problems obstacles that arise.
A mother who admits when she needs help.
A mother who lets the light of Christ shine through her and onto her children.

Rachel, you put everyone ahead of yourself. And you do it willingly. You know that God placed you on earth to care for others.

That is a mother.

I am so glad I was able to watch your children in 2010. That was the start of a wonderful friendship.  I knew that the time we had those late Tuesday nights was fleeting. I am so happy we stayed up late & got to know one another as real people; In a deep profound and Jesus based way. I remember being so impressed with you as a mother, a wife & a Christian. Before you, I had met very few people that actually live out their faith in Jesus. Not in the way you do, anyways. It is rare. A lot of people have a fake church life where they act Holy & pretend they are perfect and that is the basis of their Christianity. And it makes them appear to have it all together. When who are they fooling, really? Cause NOBODY has it all together. You take your faith with you as you go.

And as you go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
MATTHEW 10:7
And that is what the Bible says to do. On countless occasions you have prayed & let the Holy Spirit guide your steps. It is beautiful.

You are a Godly woman ho puts her relationship with Jesus above all else. Because you do that, your whole life rotates around a clear center. You take everything to God in prayer. Most people do not do this. I, myself tend to want to make decisions without taking a breath to channel my choice through our Father in Heaven. You do. You take the time. As I wrote this, I started to see a pattern. I could not write about the reasons I admire you, without including God in each reason. At the heart of every reason is Jesus. All your choices truly revolve around Him.
||| You are a treasure. |||
I am constantly seeing more reasons to admire you.

I have struggled to fit in here in Minnesota, all 15 years I have lived here.
 {little did I know it isn't about fitting in, it's about being set apart.}

 I have tried being worldly, and that didn't fix the negative feelings. Actually, it intensified them. My friendships were also worldly. I tried could never seem to hold on to friendships, I blamed myself for this problem. I had several friendships abruptly end. And at the time I started babysitting for you, I had really closed myself off from seeking out new friendships. I was not going to let my heart be broken by any more friends. Easy fix was to not have any more friends. My heart couldn't take it at the time. I had prayed and told the Lord, when He wanted me to have a friend, He would have to directly send one my way. And you are that person. Look how He put you and I in each other's path. You are a friend for a lifetime. And it is because of the faith we share.

Proverbs 18:24
There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Our friendship cannot be shaken by small petty things or large differentiating moral beliefs.

I know it was a Divine Intervention!

A Heavenly Match-up!

Happy Birthday, Rachel!

i love you. yes. you.

Night time thoughts from Jenni's heart...

People of this world make me sad. Been thinking about how sad I used to be. And missing friends I made while I was lost and searching. When you choose to not drink, with that choice comes many losses. 

You are left out.

So called friends quit calling. They make up lame excuses about how they think your apartment is too small. Or because I'm married, I'm too busy. 

When deep down, you know the real reason. 

The real reason is, a life lived for Jesus makes them uncomfortable. They will never admit that. They will just say stupid crap in fb messages or via texting. 

Lame. Excuses. 

Because these people are too cowardly to say, 

look Jenni, the real reason I straight up quit talking to you is because I don't understand this new life you are leading. I feel like you are just judge mental and stuck up now that you don't drink or smoke. And I don't want to be made to feel like drinking or smoking is bad. So our so called friendship and the love I had for you has just disappeared. And i WILL go find new friends and tell them i love them. And all of the memories and talks and advice and everything doesn't matter to me anymore. IT IS AS IF OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER HAPPENED!!! 

Well, I am here to tell you all that what I write above is a narrative hypothetical conversation. Of sorts. No one has ever given me a good solid heartfelt reason for ending a friendship! 

Because I have had many friendships end. And every time I have been made to feel that it's ME! That I am a horrible friend. And that my friendship doesn't matter! 

But I know the truth! And the truth has set me free! 

Friends that both love Jesus above all else, are friends for life!! They are blessings and they are rare!! 

Everything matters. You matter. I matter. The choices we make matter! Step outside of your comfort zone and be courageous! When the whole world is saying do this or do that, take the narrow road and do neither! For God's sake, live a life that matters! 

I had to write down my thoughts on friendship! Right now, living in a new place, I am feeling many emotions about making friends:

 frankly, I feel nervous and apprehensive because I have been hurt by so many friends. And especially within the last year, a friend whom I thought would be a forever kind, simply quit speaking to me. And it's been a hard year if coming to terms with all if the emotions I have felt about my once dear friend. 

I also don't want anyone reading this to take offense. I have had several friendships amicably end. That's DIFFERENT!!      

Prayers are appreciated! 

For I know the Bible says FEAR NOT!!! And I want to replace that dear in my heart with courage! 

In Jesus name! 

Blessings to all!!