A time for reflection

I have been quite overwhelmed with some miscommunication drama. And have prayed and decided to just take a few days to myself; Away from my Facebook and Instagram. 

So far so good. This has all lead me to really think, all day. I have been able to Think about what i want to use my social media for and if I am really doing any good. If I am really doing what the lord wants. 

I do know that there are good things that have come from my Facebook. And people have encouraged me in the past. 

I wasn't doing this just to gain attention. I was having major anxiety over the drama that kept happening. And the arguments that kept happening. 

I didn't mean to hurt people but I was. And now I feel devastated. 

Late night thoughts.

Our nightly routine has been: 

Elijah sleeps in his crib until his one mid-night snack. Then he just stays in bed with us. 

But I really wanted to start putting him back in his crib after he nurses cause he sleeps better there. 

Long story short:

It's me that is having a hard time without him. I'm so glad we safely co-slept with him this past year. It was a precious & fleeting time. 💙

I just had to...

I just had to ... Vent about this article. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2544387/Doctors-urged-talk-mothers-home-births-like-letting-child-not-wear-car-seatbelt.html

The article needs to be talked about so women don't get even more controlled by the stupid medical system. Midwives do a wonderful thing in this society and in the UK. 

DOCTORS use fear. Constantly. And it isn't based on evidence based practice. Women have somehow let doctors control their thoughts. We are so vulnerable during labor. 

Gosh. Homebirth is wonderful. I enjoyed mine immensely. And I was safe. The midwives had all the necessary tools. And they protected me and guided me and encouraged me. They didn't give me ultimatums and deadlines. And even when my body stopped progressing they never said I failed. They simply approached the situation with the solution (which was manually opening my cervix) and kindly explained it to me and moved forward. It felt like the SAFEST car ride I have ever been on. 

My one prayer about the future is that I will be able to fully dilate on my own next time. Because having help was crazy painful.  

The medical system does not respect the natural process. They monkey with it and  when their interventions fail or cause unnecessary pain, they don't apologize. They somehow make women feel as though these problems that occurred were always going to happen. When really at any moment the woman could have said, NO. 

The Great Snow Bowl of 2014

This has been a beautiful weekend. 

We had a wedding to go to 1.25.14 a&d so we decided to make a weekend trip of it! We reserved a suite at a Marriott! It was amazing. 

We hung out with my sister and her bf on Friday evening. Played cards, had some wine and lots of laughs. We are growing very fond of my sister's boyfriend. I won't publish his name, as I haven't asked him. Which reminds me, I should ask. 

I am glad my sister found someone worthy of her love. 

Saturday morning and afternoon was spent relaxing and snacking on food. My other sister, Gina and her boyfriend stopped over before they went to MOA. We just relaxed and enjoyed their lovely company. 

We:

got ready for the wedding. 

Had a mini photo shoot thanks to my sister G. [photos to follow]

We enjoyed a lovely evening with some good friends. And they will soon be married also! [5.3.14] {CANT WAIT}

I have started 2 countdowns! 

1. Arizona to meet our nephew:: 20 days! 

2. Fritz wedding:: 96 days! 

SO PUMPED! 

I know what you're thinking, this girl is a dork. Yep. 

// Ok back to the weekend \\

The wedding was such a fun time! I am amazed they put it together in 3 months! It was beautiful. They played a fun game where they had 4:24 mins to take a group photo with each table! It was a hoot! And they succeeded! Those photos will be such a beautiful memory. :) 

I don't know why but I had forgotten that Elijah would probably enjoy the dancing. AND he did!! {here} and {here}

We stayed until 7:30. Elijah was so tired. He fell asleep on the drive. 

We went over to my sisters apartment. Kaleb charged & jumped her car. And we all drove back to the {Marriott}. 

Kaleb went to bed early. My sis and I stayed up pretty late [1:30am] just talking and hanging out. Elijah refused to sleep. He is growing 8 teeth all at once (molars and eye teeth) and it makes him a night owl. {hoo hoo}

We watched "The Help". My sister hadn't seen it so that was fun to share that movie memory with her. 

I was glad to go to sleep - finally!

We had planned on finding a church to attend but Kaleb decided it was more important to replace my sister's car battery. And I agree! 

I am so thankful that Kaleb is such a hard worker. He installed my sisters new battery even though it was pretty dang cold out! 

We had a late checkout of 1:00pm on Sunday. So we decided to go swimming. And boy did we have fun!

 {here} 

Elijah loved the water and I'm so glad. Since he was a winter baby and there were no pools near us he didn't get exposed to much water as an infant. And he had some exposure over summer. But summer was so short in 2013. He has only been in bath water since September. The last time hew as swimming was in Utah when we went boating with grandpa Tom. All that to say, he hasnt been exposed to a lot of water. 

He couldn't get enough of the pool! It made us all very excited for summer!! 

We got packed up and went to Michael's  craft store. I needed a supply of yarn! 

We hugged and kissed my sister. And we went our separate ways. 

I always hate saying see ya later. But we had plans to see each other Feb 5th. 

We knew that the weather was forecasted to get blizzardy later in the day. As we kept driving, it started to get CRAZY!!! WE COULDNT SEE FIVE FEET IN FRONT OF US! 

We were halfway home and decided to pull into a small town and spend the night in a hotel. 

We were thankful for a warm place to stay. The wind was crazy all night. Elijah slept fabulously!! We were thankful for that! It was miraculous!! 

The breakfast was yummy at both of our hotels. It was nice not to have to cook. 

We were blessed over this past weekend. Truly. 

We made it home around 11am on Monday. It felt so good to be home and safe and sound! 

It was such an eventful journey to get home! I have been calling it "the great snow ball of 2014". My own nerdy way of making a pun in reference to "the great dust bowl". 

Lame. I know. 

:) 

This is what life is about.

It isn't about me. 

I have been sitting her snuggling with Elijah & contemplating my life. We only have one chance at this life. One chance to do right things. Moments come and go, and we can't get them back. When you don't give something a real shot, you will have regrets. Keep going. If it is something good and solid it is important to keep at it. 

 I have been living the past four years with that in mind. I decided to dedicate my life to Christ and I refuse to stop. 

And I am especially glad that I have given my all to this sweet little boy that is asleep in my arms. Through tears, sleepless nights and constant change, I keep going. I continue to pray and do what is truly best for him. Not what is best for me. 

We had a rough start. Labor was beyond intense and overwhelming. Nursing was hard at first. But I know breast is best. It simply is. No questions about it. 

I am praying that anyone struggling right now will keep doing the right thing. 

Excuse their andomness it's late and I am just jotting things down to expand on when I can get to my computer. I currentt have a 25 pound teething one year old on my chest. 

3 | 52

3 | 52

A Photo Series

* 'A photo of our child once a week, every week for a year'*

Elijah loves to hang out in my dad's rickety old recliner! I can tell he feels like a big boy in this chair! He acts the same way in our La-Z-boy! SO stinkin' cute!

2 | 52

 2 | 52

A Photo Series

* 'A photo of our child once a week, every week for a year'*

Here is week two! I had so much fun on this day! It brought me great joy to see him open his gifts and interact with the other children.

Elijah at his Birthday party! <3