And within the Evangelical Christian circles, it is viewed as terrible if we don't get involved in a church and train our children to be fine in a nursery setting.
And I am standing here and I am saying, the church is WRONG. The system is wrong. It feels so anti-family.
Everything these days has a label, and the way that I mother my children is referred to as attachment parenting. I love to grow the bond between me and my children from the moment I know they exist in my womb. And I don't want anything to come between that bond. I put that bond above any outside elements. It is my marriage and my relationship with my children that comes FIRST. Church activities, serving, even Sunday mornings, my family comes first. I don't want to put any of these things ahead of my role as wife and mother.
And to be involved in a church would mean setting aside my role as mother. And I don't feel lead to do that. Because guess who suffers if I do that? My kids. And right now, especially River. But Elijah is also affected. He is a very social person and he enjoys being in his class at church. But after church and the days that follow are very difficult. It's almost as if, that intense social interaction and being around a bunch of little children who are all parented differently. Some, who are exposed to some things they shouldn't be listening to or watching, that spirit of rebellion and disobedience rubs off on Elijah. He struggles with odd behaviors for several days after we attend church. And then, the behaviors wear off, with lots of prayer and redirection and explanations, he seems to find his mind again. I wish I could explain it properly, but if you were part of our every day life, you would see the difference in him. It has been a night and day, type behavior change. For my friends who know what a child looks like when food coloring/dyes affect their child's behavior, you will understand. After church, he acts that way. And that's without having any dyes. I wish I could explain it further. But it's a real phenomenon with my sweet boy. And I do not like it at all.
So back to my main point, I left River at home with my mom from 10:30 am - 2 pm last Sunday. And mom said she did good until that last hour, we had to get some groceries. And we are teaching Elijah how to walk nice in stores and not touch everything. So it took a little longer than normal. But that's how Elijah learns, first hand.
We get back and River clung to me, which is pretty normal for her. But what isn't her normal, is how she has been acting all this past week. She has been so clingy, beyond what is normal for her. I couldn't leave the room without her crying and acting very anxious. She has needed to be held by ME and pretty much touching me all week. If I put my coat on, she cries. I used to be able to run outside to do the animal chores and she would just wait by the door smiling and watching me. But this week, she was hysterical. It has been a week of wearing her in our Ergo and snuggling on the couch A LOT. I want to reassure her, that what happened won't be a normal occurrence. Because last Sunday taught me one specifically important thing. And here it is.
HAVING CHURCH EXPERIENCES ISN'T WORTH IT, IF IT CAUSES MY CHILD TO HAVE ANXIETY.
Plain and simple. I do not like that going to church, having a time of worship and hearing a cool sermon, lead my child to feel anxious and upset for days afterward.
And this opinion, idea, conclusion, whatever you want to call it, is not a popular one. And frankly, I don't care what anyone thinks. I know that this is where God is leading me, to really and truly realize that seeking HIM and being fully willing to submit to God's ways above my own, isn't going to lead me to POPULAR ideas about life. It is a narrow path. And that, that is okay with me.
And perhaps, just maybe, the church has it wrong. We leave our kids A LOT in this culture. And it has become the normal way that we operate. And yes, people have to work and make money. But that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about ALL the extra stuff that parents do. And when we get caught up in doing that extra stuff, we miss what's right in front of us, our kids.
And I also want to make it very clear, this is my conclusion, for MY LIFE. Not my conclusion for your life or anyone else's. We each have to make our decisions based on where God is leading us at this exact time. But we better be sure it is actually GOD leading us and not our culture. And that is where I am at. I feel peace about being home most of our time these days.
I get just as much joy, if not more, out of worshiping with my kids in our living room as I do raising my hands and singing at church.
