My current feelings about church..

I went to church for the first time in a while, I left River at home with my mom. She is very attached to me. And we live in a culture that shames that attachment. That at her age, she should be OVER it and she should learn to be away from me. And it is a social pressure to train your child to be fine to be away from their parents; especially their mother.
And within the Evangelical Christian circles, it is viewed as terrible if we don't get involved in a church and train our children to be fine in a nursery setting.
And I am standing here and I am saying, the church is WRONG. The system is wrong. It feels so anti-family.
Everything these days has a label, and the way that I mother my children is referred to as attachment parenting. I love to grow the bond between me and my children from the moment I know they exist in my womb. And I don't want anything to come between that bond. I put that bond above any outside elements. It is my marriage and my relationship with my children that comes FIRST. Church activities, serving, even Sunday mornings, my family comes first. I don't want to put any of these things ahead of my role as wife and mother.
And to be involved in a church would mean setting aside my role as mother. And I don't feel lead to do that. Because guess who suffers if I do that? My kids. And right now, especially River. But Elijah is also affected. He is a very social person and he enjoys being in his class at church. But after church and the days that follow are very difficult. It's almost as if, that intense social interaction and being around a bunch of little children who are all parented differently. Some, who are exposed to some things they shouldn't be listening to or watching, that spirit of rebellion and disobedience rubs off on Elijah. He struggles with odd behaviors for several days after we attend church. And then, the behaviors wear off, with lots of prayer and redirection and explanations, he seems to find his mind again. I wish I could explain it properly, but if you were part of our every day life, you would see the difference in him. It has been a night and day, type behavior change. For my friends who know what a child looks like when food coloring/dyes affect their child's behavior, you will understand. After church, he acts that way. And that's without having any dyes. I wish I could explain it further. But it's a real phenomenon with my sweet boy. And I do not like it at all.
So back to my  main point, I left River at home with my mom from 10:30 am - 2 pm last Sunday. And mom said she did good until that last hour, we had to get some groceries. And we are teaching Elijah how to walk nice in stores and not touch everything. So it took a little longer than normal. But that's how Elijah learns, first hand.
We get back and River clung to me, which is pretty normal for her. But what isn't her normal, is how she has been acting all this past week. She has been so clingy, beyond what is normal for her. I couldn't leave the room without her crying and acting very anxious. She has needed to be held by ME and pretty much touching me all week. If I put my coat on, she cries. I used to be able to run outside to do the animal chores and she would just wait by the door smiling and watching me. But this week, she was hysterical. It has been a week of wearing her in our Ergo and snuggling on the couch A LOT. I want to reassure her, that what happened won't be a normal occurrence. Because last Sunday taught me one specifically important thing. And here it is.

HAVING CHURCH EXPERIENCES ISN'T WORTH IT, IF IT CAUSES MY CHILD TO HAVE ANXIETY.

Plain and simple. I do not like that going to church, having a time of worship and hearing a cool sermon, lead my child to feel anxious and upset for days afterward.

And this opinion, idea, conclusion, whatever you want to call it, is not a popular one. And frankly, I don't care what anyone thinks. I know that this is where God is leading me, to really and truly realize that seeking HIM and being fully willing to submit to God's ways above my own, isn't going to lead me to POPULAR ideas about life. It is a narrow path. And that, that is okay with me.

And perhaps, just maybe, the church has it wrong. We leave our kids A LOT in this culture. And it has become the normal way that we operate. And yes, people have to work and make money. But that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about ALL the extra stuff that parents do. And when we get caught up in doing that extra stuff, we miss what's right in front of us, our kids.

And I also want to make it very clear, this is my conclusion, for MY LIFE. Not my conclusion for your life or anyone else's. We each have to make our decisions based on where God is leading us at this exact time. But we better be sure it is actually GOD leading us and not our culture. And that is where I am at. I feel peace about being home most of our time these days.

I get just as much joy, if not more, out of worshiping with my kids in our living room as I do raising my hands and singing at church.

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-politicization-of-motherhood-1509144044

Oswald Chambers

The “Go” of Renunciation

By Oswald Chambers

…someone said to Him, "Lord, I will follow You wherever You go." —Luke 9:57 

Our Lord’s attitude toward this man was one of severe discouragement, “for He knew what was in man” (John 2:25). We would have said, “I can’t imagine why He lost the opportunity of winning that man! Imagine being so cold to him and turning him away so discouraged!” Never apologize for your Lord. The words of the Lord hurt and offend until there is nothing left to be hurt or offended. Jesus Christ had no tenderness whatsoever toward anything that was ultimately going to ruin a person in his service to God. Our Lord’s answers were not based on some whim or impulsive thought, but on the knowledge of “what was in man.” If the Spirit of God brings to your mind a word of the Lord that hurts you, you can be sure that there is something in you that He wants to hurt to the point of its death.

Luke 9:58. These words destroy the argument of serving Jesus Christ because it is a pleasant thing to do. And the strictness of the rejection that He demands of me allows for nothing to remain in my life but my Lord, myself, and a sense of desperate hope. He says that I must let everyone else come or go, and that I must be guided solely by my relationship to Him. And He says, “…the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.”

Luke 9:59. This man did not want to disappoint Jesus, nor did he want to show a lack of respect for his father. We put our sense of loyalty to our relatives ahead of our loyalty to Jesus Christ, forcing Him to take last place. When your loyalties conflict, always obey Jesus Christ whatever the cost.

Luke 9:61. The person who says, “Lord, I will follow You, but…,” is the person who is intensely ready to go, but never goes. This man had reservations about going. The exacting call of Jesus has no room for good-byes; good-byes, as we often use them, are pagan, not Christian, because they divert us from the call. Once the call of God comes to you, start going and never stop.

He's growing up...

As I watch Elijah play at parks this summer, it has hit me how fast a child stops needing help in certain ways. He says "no mom, I can do it by myself" and as a parent you take a step back and watch as they tackle things. It's healthy for them to grow and develop independence. But for myself there's this moment. A moment where I realize, as a mom, that specific task to help my child has ended. He can dress himself, climb up trees and up the rope ladder all by himself. My role is still vital but it changes, I become an encourager more than a helper. All the times I helped him, have lead him to be confident and independent in these areas. What a beautiful and heart wrenching process. Motherhood is all encompassing. I feel tired but also I feel so much joy. One day I feel overwhelmed by how much my baby needs me and I pray for the energy to get through the day. And now, here I sit, with a son who doesn't need me in the same way. That time has gone and I can't get it back. I'll never regret putting everything I have to give into these beautiful souls. This is the greatest calling and achievement of my life. It's above my education and any other earthly title I could ever achieve. And as long as I'm able, I will help them when they need me. // 

Assuming hurts

It's easy to forget that over the Internet, people don't actually know me. And I don't know them. They don't know how I live my every day life. They don't know that I have a generous heart and often give even when I'm exhausted. Or that I love being a friend and I go into friendships with everything I have. I pretty much do that with everything in my life. I don't want to ever do something half as good as I could. And sometimes I say more than I should when I'm passionate. I'm protective over the people I love. On social media, we have to take one another at our words typed out. And I've found the more we communicate online, the less we trust people. We try and read between the lines. We look for motives that aren't there. Or we simply don't believe what people say. We even put words into their mouths or assume things on people that aren't there. All because we are communicating without looking one another in the face. I'm guilty of it and it's a terrible feeling when people assume you have bad intentions. The following lyrics from "This is just so Beautiful" by Jenny and Tyler, were very comforting today. // I felt forgiveness in the deep recesses of my soul. I was so empty. And now I'm full. I'm whole. The world is cold and so very very cruel. But the sparrow in the roses reminds me there's still so much good. Yesterday is gone, today I can see. Oh today I believe. ✝️ // Matthew 10:31 // #instagramatemyblog #jennyandtyler

Rep World Info

Okay so here goes:

My take on this rep world.

The brand repping world is a fun place. But when I joined it as a shop and novice photographer, I also felt like it had these rules in place. Some were unwritten and some were brought about because of the way shops do things. And it was assumed every shop was the same as far as their team. 

And there isn't always total transparency between shops and rep teams. As a team member we don't always know how big a shops team is, if they don't use fb. And then that shop requires monthly purchases. So a large part of their sales are from required purchases. It feels like the system is rigged in that regard. I've been working at trying to find a way in which everything works smoothly for me and my team. But it doesn't fit the normal guidelines; what everyone is used to within this rep world. 

Facebook groups help so much to open lines of communication between everyone. 

At first I just joined the system as it was. Labeled my team members, reps and enthusiasts. And then shortly after, came the title brand fans. So essentially every team has 3 levels. And I felt it left my own team disjointed vs naturally finding a rhythm. If that makes sense, it does in my head. 

And yes, some people have nice cameras, photog experience, more money, more time, etc. So they can get great photos and they are trustworthy. And within teams it's often known who the favorites are, and that bothered me.

Now I'm not saying this because I think it's bad that teams are run this way. But it is intimidating for those just starting or new to a team. It's just not how I wanted my team to be. It's not how I view people, everyone is special. Everyone can learn new skills and become better. And they can only do that if they are connected with other repping mamas. 

So, I don't have those three labels - Reps, Enthusiasts or fans - anymore. 

If your new to my team you're a "Bella Rookie" if you choose to stay on for a second term, you become part of the OG Team, a fun label brought to us by @the.emilybrown

And then, I have a core group of my girls who have said they are never leaving me, Bella Ambassadors/#OGforlife #bellasforlife. And as other Bellas tell me they are with me forever -- they've been not only great for my shop but as friends/supporters to me and other team members, I will offer them a chance to be ambassadors also.

Some have found my team to not be what they want and that is okay. But I do my best to make it a fun, loving and friendly environment for all. 

IF YOURE STILL WITH ME- AWESOME!

FREEBIES??? 

Purchase requirements? 

The topic of freebies and purchase requirements is one that comes up a lot. Who deserves freebies? Who doesn't? 

Should I require my team to purchase? It guarantees our shop business, but it isn't organic.

I have decided one purchase requirement for the term is fair. And I don't care when it's made, beginning or end. And it frees everyone up to decide how invested they want to be in my brand. No one is forcing them to shop. And I find it helps take off a sort of pressure that can come with repping. 

Since we are just a bow shop with fair prices, that could mean a simple $5 purchase. It's affordable. And it leaves my Bella Team free to make their purchase when they want to. They can wait for bows they love since our inventory changes often. And we are always releasing new things. Or they can purchase one from each different release. 

If we were clothing or when we grow and add clothing, I may take that purchase requirement away. And do pre orders or other things. But that's future plans. And I'll tackle that when we are there. 

So for now, I came up with a points system, and this is the first term I've been using it and it's working well so far. 

Each person is responsible for earning points and posting their screenshots in our fb group. 

I set up a photo album with each Bellas photo. They then comment their screenshots on their photo. And it helps me keep a record of freebies earned. 

I also fill out a google doc to help myself see the points earned all in one place.

Every 15 points is a freebie, and this may change as I see how the system works out. 

So much of this small shop game is trial and error. 

Advertising is important and so are photos taken of products.

The freebie system makes it even. And it also creates a fun place for my Bellas to get creative in ways they can earn points. And it all benefits our shop in different ways.

When I didn't know better I did give out freebies and I didn't get photos back from everyone. I no longer give free things to reps I don't already know. 

If I give freebies out and have to cover shipping costs and then I don't get photos back, it's too big of a loss. A loss of time I can't get back and money also. And it's discouraging. This way, everyone gets a chance to earn freebies. 

I also offer them the option to pay for shipping and I'll send their freebies to them if they don't want to purchase from the shop. So far everyone has purchased and then I throw in their freebies earned. 

And once I know a mama is true to her word, more freebies happen if I need help with photos. 

Okay that's everything for now. 

I may add to this later. 

Stacklay Tutorial #1

HI EVERYONE!
I have been asked a lot over the last several months
"how do you make those amazing stacks"?
"What's your secret to stacklays"??

So I really want to give you all a quick tutorial. I will be doing my best to make several tutorials about stacklays and also one for flatlays.
They both really excentuate small shop items and it is a great way to advertise products.
It has also been a lovely artistic outlet for myself.
As a mother with two young children, let's face it, I can't paint or draw these days. Usually, I have a baby crawling around me while I make these and I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Alright, if you're still with me, scroll on down...
The photos will be in order of how I put the stack together!

Feel free to contact me on Instagram (@mamaholzhauer + @che.bella.bows)

Okay, so first things first, pick the items you want to use for your STACK!
I usually think, okay what do I want River and/or Elijah to wear for their rep photos and then I go from there.
This particular set up is quite simple, because I really want to focus on the gorgeous sparkle bow as the focal point of the photos. 

After taking the first flat lay photo I realized I needed a teether or an accessory to tie it all together.
This donut teether I made last week has the right colors and it doesn't take over and overshadow the bow I need to photograph.

Sometimes, I use cardboard or blocks to prop of the clothing otherwise the clothes lay too flat and don't create the photo that I want.

This time it worked to just use one block to stabilize the stack. 

The block is in place. And it is almost ready to tuck the sides under...

Here is the little dress all folded and tucked in nicely.
One of the secrets of making the perfect stack: what's going on in the back doesn't matter

Now we add the bow.

(((((This bow is from @ellebellebaby on Instagram and Etsy!
Use code
FRIENDOFEBB
at checkout on Etsy for a discount and mention River sent you)))))

Now we add the shoes and make sure they are balanced and also holding the bow in place so it doesn't slide down unless I want it to. 

Next, I carefully balance the teether on the shoes.

The most important thing to remember is the base of the stack makes the stack!

If the base is crooked or lumpy and unstable, the stack will fall down. 

Now for the fun part!! 

I would not be able to do this if I didn't rest my elbow on my knee.
It's far too difficult to keep still to get the clear shot. 

My husband took these fun shots!  

Trying to snap the perfect photo!  

The angle of this photo ^ Makes it look like I am not holding the book level, but I am..

I usually take 16-20 photos and pick the best one.
Can you guess which one that is from this photo?

I pay close attention to the tiniest of details

LEFT PHOTO:
 The edges of the bow are overlapping over the shoes. I don't like that. I like the edges to be clear and free. Especially when it is the focal point of the stack.
Also the shoes needed to move over just a tiny bit to the right.
And I shifted the camera over a little to give a slightly better angle.

RIGHT PHOTO:

If you compare it to the photo on the left, it is just slightly different. But for me, it's the tiny details that drastically improve my stacks!
I moved the bow down just a tiny bit and adjusted the shoes and the teether.

I also like there to be as few gaps or spaces as possible between items, like the shoes and teether. I try to squish them as close together as I can. Sometimes, light/the wall shining through cannot be helped. But I try to minimize the spaces.
 I also edited the right photo.
I use the UNUM app
I can plan out my Instagram posts but also edit each photo within the app.

For this photo--

I upped the exposure by 6
Lessened the warmth by 13
upped the highlights by 14
brightened the photo by 15
and upped the saturation by 12

Most of my stacklay editing is similar. Lowering the warmth helps the photo appear whiter and more crisp in color vs a warmer tone, which turns whites to appear a cream/tan color.

I hope these explanations help you out.

Feel free to email me
Che.bella.bows@gmail.com
anytime with questions

Or find me on Instagram and send me a message! I love to help others perfect their photography skills!

HERE IT IS!
The finished stack!!! I love it! It's a very simple little stack, But sometimes, those are the best kinds!


Here's River in the outfit that goes with this stack!! MY amazing photographer took this

HMD - Photos Mankato

HMD PHOTOS

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

@MAMAHOLZHAUER
+
@CHE.BELLA.BOWS

FOR MORE STACKS AND FUN PHOTOS!