Even when I fail.

Time sure flies! It's moving day #2 and I am sick as can be! And I've failed a lot today. I've been crabby, sad, annoyed, mad, rude etc. you name it. That's me. Always messing up. 

I spent a lot of time today thinking and looking back at photos. While I laid around. I am glad I take so many photos. It's a great reminder that ugly days like today are few and far between. And sure I mess up and get upset. And then I say things I shouldn't. And then it's hard cause I feel bad and it's too late cause the words were already said. Then I have to be sure to apologize. 

We had plans to bring Elijah to a pumpkin patch today. But I'm sick. And the weather is far too windy. And that bummed me out because it's the last weekend before it closes. :( It's a silly lame problem, but I really wanted to go. 

It's been hard for me this weekend because there's so much junk in our life. Literally, too. Much. Stuff. And I haven't done the greatest job of cleaning things and organizing our previous house. So there's crap everywhere. Odds and ends. Nick knacks. And garbage. So embarrassing. So. So. Embarrassing. Makes me want to crawl in a hole and bury my face in shame. 

Being sick & not being able to help pack and unpack my belongings is frustrating. I don't mind being helped when I join in & help too. But just having everything done for me is hard. And just when I think I am maturing, boom, I'm right back where I started. A constant reminder that I'm useless on my own. And I need Jesus. Cause clearly on hard days, stressful times, I still can't hold it together by myself. And today I tried to hard to do it on my own. I got too caught up in the bad aspects & got too overwhelmed. I am Thankful for new mercies everyday, every hour. Cause today has been one failure of a day. But tomorrow I will get up, if I'm not too sick & trudge forward, and walk In forgiveness to myself. Because that's the person I struggle to forgive more than anyone else. 

Even when I fail God loves me for me.

Jesus died for me. 

And no matter what failures occur, I can pick things up with Jesus by my side and keep going. 

And that's a hard concept somedays.

But it is a truth. 

A real truth. 

So if today is a rough day or week or even year or years, it is OKAY. 

TURN TO JESUS. 

REMEMBER HE SEES YOU. 

HE SEES US JUST AS WE ARE. 

FLAWED. 

BROKEN. 

BEAUTIFUL. 

and guess what? 

HE LOVES US! 

With the biggest love there is. Love that lays down it's own life. Love that chooses to sacrifice everything for you and for me. 

It is hard to remember. But we have to trudge forward. And remember.