\\ A mother's heart //

 

I could sit here and complain about how I have been stuck in the house with Elijah since December 29th. We've only left twice to get food. But this is my reality. I started to post things to Facebook when the weather was ruining our plans but then I realized that I shouldn't do that. I prayed and felt much better. We must make the best of our realities. Whatever they may be. I cannot change that my car is broken and the weather is frightful. The cold forced us to postpone Elijah's Birthday party. I had a momentary sadness about it. But then I slept on it and prayed and rescheduled it for January 11th. I must choose to enjoy myself. I can keep my hands and mind busy with cleaning, crafts, and playing with Elijah.

When it is warm out, people complain that it is too hot. Then, when winter hits, people complain that it's too cold. I wonder if it is like this everywhere or is it just a Midwestern thing? Is life THAT boring that people must complain about these mundane things? Why do we have to complain at all? It is quite disheartening to read all of the complaints about children on Facebook. Most children spend their days in institutions away from their parents. When school is canceled because it is so cold out that the temperature could literally freeze our skin, parents complain that they can't handle being with their kids any longer. "One more day with my kids and I am going lose my mind." Are you serious? That makes me sad when I read that kind of thing. Keep that to yourself. Take those thoughts to Jesus and leave them there.

Young children look to their parents for attention and love and validation. The way we treat them alters their view of God and Jesus. How could they grow up to believe that a BIG GOD exists that loves them fiercely when their earthly parents don't love them appropriately. Children are sweet and have vulnerable hearts. I am a woman so I come at this subject from a mother's perspective. As mothers, it's our job to guard the hearts of our children, teach them patience and guide them as they grow. They learn by our example. If we set a bad example, how can we expect our children to act right? It is important that we realize, what we do when our children aren't looking is just as important as when they are watching. Secrets we keep and things we say or type out on Facebook can affect our children.

I believe whole heartedly that the Bible is true. The only true word of God. and the Bible says,

Galations 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

If we sow our negative thoughts, negativity will come back to us. It is God's law. The world has twisted it to be "karma" but it is reaping and sowing. Plain and simple. We have to make sure that as Christ followers, we pray and seek the right thing. I often fall short and get sad. But what I have learned is, it is important to not run from any of our feelings. What is important is, how we act about those feelings. We may feel sick of being cooped up indoors but we cannot let that affect how we act towards our children. We can feel annoyed but it isn't our children's fault that we feel this way. Those children did NOT choose to exist. We are the ones who chose to have sex and conceive them. Then once they are here, we are annoyed with them? To me, that doesn't seem logical. It is most definitely not right.
It is our job to raise our children. WE are ALL born with a sinful nature. And we want what we want. As mothers (and fathers) it is our duty to teach our children how to act and how to live in a free society. We have to show our children the right way. WE have to be ever present and learning from our mistakes. We have to realize that it is NOT a child's fault that they are bratty or annoying. Somewhere along the way, that means, as a parent we may have made some mistakes. We have to sit down and repent of those mistakes and ask the Lord to help us do better and do right by our children.

We cannot let our children rule over us. Because they will and honestly, it is our fault if we let them. Children will manipulate and get the things they want; Adults do this too. It is up to us as the adults to set boundaries and speak kindly to them. We must be firm, and loving.

I know I only have a one year old baby. But let me tell you, he is determined. ALL day, I am telling him no and redirecting his behavior. He tries and tries and keeps on trying to get his way. I have to be loving and firm. If I let him win, he will think he runs the show. And I can already see that I have to win every battle that arises. If I don't do it now, he will be even THAT much harder to deal with as he gets bigger.

By the time he is 5 or 6, I want him to be able to enjoy the beautiful world around him and also know that he has to listen to me and to Kaleb. And if he doesn't there will be consequences. And not empty lame words without follow through. I mean actual, real consequences. Empty threats that we spew out don't do any good because kids learn that they are empty. Then they rule the show.

That's all I have for now on this subject. I am slowly learning and gleaning wisdom. One year of parenting down. And it was the easy year. Now comes the beginning of the hard work.

Lord, I pray that with each passing day I seek You more and continually do my best to see things through Your eyes. Thank You, for Elijah and the gift of being a mother. It means the world to me. Thank You, for Kaleb. Thank You, for a warm house and the food on our table. The lasagna we had tonight was wonderful!
Thank You, for, Jesus.
Through Him I pray,
Amen.

Happy New Year!!

T W E N T Y
T H I R T E E N

WAS AN AMAZING YEAR!
 IT WAS FULL OF CHALLENGES AND CHANGES AND SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

THIS YEAR:::

 I LEARNED HOW TO BE A MOTHER,
I SUCCESFULLY NURSED ELIJAH AND WE ARE STILL GOING STRONG
KALEB AND I FOUND A LOVELY HOUSE TO RENT
LAST WEEKEND I DECORATED FOR A WEDDING AND THAT WAS A FIRST AND HOPEFULLY NOT A LAST!
I HAVE STRIVED TO READ MY BIBLE MORE AND DIG DEEPER INTO WHAT GOD'S WORD SAYS ABOUT LIFE. THE MORE I DO THIS, THE MORE I SEE THAT THIS REALLY IS THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE.
KALEB AND I HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS AS ANY COUPLE DOES. BUT IT HAS BEEN SO WONDERFUL TO SEE HIM IN HIS ROLE AS ELIJAH'S FATHER. THEY HAVE A SPECIAL BOND. IT WILL ONLY GET BETTER AS THE YEARS CONTINUE.
THIS YEAR WE FOUND OUT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A NEPHEW IN JANUARY!
MY BABY SISTER TURNED EIGHTEEN
I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO COOK MY NONA'S SPAGHETTI SAUCE BY HEART *YAY*
I SUCCESSFULLY FLEW ACROSS THE COUNTRY 3 TIMES WITH A BABY IN TOW. *INTENSE*
BEING A MOTHER IS MY GREATEST JOY. TRULY. EACH DAY HAS STRUGGLES AND HIGHS AND LOWS. BUT EACH DAY GETS BETTER AND BETTER.

WE LOOK FORWARD TO 2014. WE HAVE BEEN PRAYING AND DISCUSSING AND  WE WOULD LIKE TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN THIS SUMMER. WE ARE PRAYING THAT THIS WILL HAPPEN. WE KNOW IT IS GOD'S TIMING BUT WE ALSO KNOW HE CARES ABOUT OUR HEARTS DESIRES.AND THAT IS SO SO EXCITING! AND I WOULD PREFER TO NOT BE DUE IN THE DEAD OF MINNESOTA WINTER. IT WAS NOT ENJOYABLE AND TRULY, IT WASN'T SAFE. AND WE LIVE EVEN FURTHER FROM ANY MAJOR CITY. MIDIWVES ARE ABOUT 1.5 HOURS AWAY GIVE OR TAKE.

I CAN'T WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE FACT THAT IT'S

T W E N T Y
F O U R T E E N
!!!

You're gonna miss this. .

How can I stand here with You, and not be moved by You {God}. 

As I wake up, I am so thankful for my life and for the life of our son. It's been a rough week. --Not all smiles and laughs. There have been tears and tantrums. There have been swollen gums and headaches. Here have been restless nights. But with God's help, we get through it. My senses have been on crazy overload lately. My skin especially has just wanted to be left alone. But that's a battle between my flesh and what's right. Just because I feel a certain way or have an inclination to curl up and be left alone for a while (2 hours or so) that isn't an option with a breastfed, rambunctious 11.5 month old. And my feelings must be set aside for him. Especially when it comes to nutrition and his health. So I keep going and praying and do the task at hand! It's worth it in the end to have moments like this. I will miss this when it's gone. I don't want to miss it while it's here. 

 I am amazed at the handiwork of God. And so thankful for what Jesus has done in my life and the lives of all who know Him.

Motherhood.

This mad me laugh! 

It is so true! 

http://www.bellybelly.com.au/post-natal/the-motherhood-experience#.UrNcRBK9LCQ

Confessions from a skinny girl.

 I can't call you fat so why do you think you can call me skinny??

First of all, let me say, I am amazed at the human body.  It's incredible. It is so intricately woven together. It holds on and wants to work properly even when we abuse it. And in a woman's case, it stretches and changes and houses a baby. It is phenomenal. 

I took this photo and made the collage for throwback Thursday on Instagram. Then I got nervous. I wasn't going to share this photo because I'm not very happy with my body right now. Despite eating tons of healthy food and a little bit of not so healthy food, I seem to have gotten back down to a "skinny" weight. That dreaded word has popped back up again. And people continuously say, "Wow, you're skinny again!" "A BABY came out of that SKINNY body, no Way!"   

They even go as far as grabbing my rib cage or waste as they say the words!

Yes, that's right, to us girls who are thin, being called skinny is a dig at our self-image. It is hurtful. It isn't kind or loving. For me, it has always been said as a joke. "Girl, do you ever eat?" "Are you anorexic?" "Skinny girls like you couldn't understand". 

This is something I have struggled with since I became self aware; And especially during those dreaded high school years. I was rail thin and awkward. It is the opposite of most women's weight problems. I eat and eat and I can't keep the weight on. It isn't a medical condition. I have been checked and rechecked for any disorder that could cause weight issues. And I've been accused of eating disorders on a few separate occasions. 

It's hard to do physical activity in the winter but I've been exercising in my home. That way I have some muscle tone. 

Now let me make myself clear. I am not at all complaining about the weight loss. I am simply discussing my struggles with being called out for my size. 

It is a double standard. People, can look at me and say whatever they feel. And trust me, they do. Usually, the words are coming out of the mouth of an overweight person.  

But I cannot do the same to them. Can you imagine if I did? Simply, replace the word skinny from my above quotes with the word fat. I feel it is the counterpart to the word skinny. (I think the word thin is the counterpart for the word overweight. A little less rude but still not kind or nice to say.) Imagine if I saw someone, an acquaintance at the grocery store and I said, "Wow, you are looking fat!" And as I said it, I poked them. 

Imagine how that scenario would pan out? It would be awkward and terrible. I don't think I have to type out all of the different scenarios. But why is it that people can  say whatever they feel to "skinny" individuals. 

I hesitated to post this photo of myself to my Facebook & Instagram today (me at 36 weeks pregnant and me today). But then I thought, no, THIS is my body. This is who God made me to be. I cannot help it. My body regulates itself at a lower than average weight. And I am sick and tired of apologizing for that or feeling ashamed. 

This is me. Some things about ourselves, we CAN change and we can learn to grow and mature away from things. 

Behavioral things. 

Anxieties. 

Fears. 

Bad habits.

Compulsions. 

BUT this, this I cannot change. And for several years now, I have been ok with my body. But now as a wife (who is busy raising an energetic 11 month old boy) with a new body- I find myself starting over again. And I find myself afraid to post photos to social media simply because I know someone will say that dreaded S word. And being out in public is just as bad. 

As if I can't see myself. As if I don't know what my body looks like. 

Each of us, needs to first be content in who God made us to be. We need to of course treat our bodies as a temple and be healthy. But that desire comes from within, from a firm foundation. 

For me, it comes from Jesus and His sacrificial love. 

Christmas season at the Holzhauer's

 We love Christmas here in Minnesota. 

I loved Christmas before I became a mommy and now it is THAT much better! 

There are so many Christmas traditions I want to start. We bought Elijah his stocking at Target. And I am so excited about it! Kaleb picked it out! ❤️

Target sells elf Christmas diapers and they make my mama heart happy! 

The diapers are so cute! 

I love Christmas decorations! I have a serious problem and have to stop myself from going nuts! But luckily I can get everything on sale! 

These are a few ornaments I picked up when we were out shopping this past Friday. 

I love that woodland themes decorations are popular again! I love reindeer and moose and bear decorations! I also love penguins! I will post photos when I'm back home! I'm writing this from my mother's house. 

Kaleb is in the cities at a paintball tournament. So Elijah and I are staying at my parents. 

IT IS COLD

Today we have a high of 10! 

It's hard to find things to keep Elijah entertained. A box of tools helps. I just have to watch him to make sure he doesn't get hurt. 

Lots of supervision is involved but it's fun to watch him discover his world. 

•••Some Christmas facts about us••• 

We don't do Santa. This has nothing to do with religious rules put in place by our church or any organization. It is simply something we have prayed about and decided on our own. As the mother, I can't see myself fibbing to my children. I want my kids to understand that in life, we work hard for our money. And that money is to be stewarded and used for God's glory. I want my children to think of Christmas and think of one thing, JESUS. He alone is the reason for the season. Our culture has turned it into a gift giving, overstimulated consumer holiday. And We don't want our children believing that they have to be "good" in order to get gifts. I want them to understand that SEPARATE of Jesus' sacrifice, we cannot be good on our own. With God's help, we can learn to act better, but we will always stumble. It's a human condition. The Santa myth is based on being good to get gifts. And we really don't like that idea. We will be teaching our children to respect others. We will explain to them that some people do believe in Santa and it isn't our place to tell them otherwise. We also , won't be asking our children to lie. If a child asks them if Santa is real, they have the freedom to tell the truth. 

Christmas is about Jesus. Plain and simple. It is about His love and His sacrificial life. 

We don't attend a church that imposes rules on it's members. It is simply where we go to worship God and meet like minded people. Because the Bible is clear that it is important to gather together. 

Look it up. 

Within our church, each person has the freedom under Christ to decide things for themselves. Afterall, our choices are our own. Only we have to answer for them. Many people at our church do celebrate Santa and that is their decision to make. We just wanted to be sure we were making the decision based on our own consciences. 

Prayer is a wonderful thing. 

We do stocking stuffers. They aren't from Santa. They are just little trinkets we find and give to one another. 

For now, we have a fake Christmas Tree. Once Elijah is older we will be buying real ones every year. But for now, our small fake tree is easier. Elijah just wants to knock it down. So it is in the closed in porch. That way I can shut the door and keep him away from it. 

We open gifts on Christmas morning. I can't wait to see how Elijah reacts to ripping the wrapping paper. I'm sure his favorite part will be all the boxes and paper. 

We enjoy giving to others. This year we don't live in a big city with Angel Trees. But I plan on donating to Tim Tebow's foundation that helps people and spread faith, hope and love in the Philippines. 

•••••*****•••••*****

I am planning Elijah's first birthday party. I still can't decide on a date. I am thinking either January 1 or January 4th. Really leaning towards the 4th! It is a Saturday. 

❄️🐻Elijah's Teddy Bear Winter ONEderland!🐻❄️

I am so excited! The first birthday is all about the mom anyways, right?! Heehee! 

Sunday Notes

It's freezing cold today and Kaleb got called in to work. Which is great for the pocketbook and for upcoming giving times. BUT it means I didn't want to brave the freezing cold with Elijah by myself. So we stayed home from church.

It's a 30 minute drive. We have been enjoying quiet time at home. I have been bible studying and I listened to my favorite pastor- Mark Driscoll. He just finished up a series on the Ten Commandments! So good! So inspiring! 

his advice about honoring our mother and father was very good. I also see that I do tend to covet. And it's easy to do in a culture where we can see everyone's lives so easily. With twitter, Facebook, blogs and Instagram. But I am determined to fill my desires with the things of Christ. 

Here are my thoughts and notes and what I learned from listening to Pastor Mark Driscoll preach on 

DO NOT COVET 

Not accepting a gift is robbing the giver of a blessing. 

Rejoice with others in their prosperity and blessings. 

Giving blesses everyone involved. 

BLESSING = GIVING 

Acts 20:35 

We are more blessed when we have a giver's heart. 

The happiest most joy filled moments in life come when we are cheerfully giving. 

Coveting = I "need" and I will be blessed when I get all that I want and "need". 

Giving is an apportioning to love. 

Generosity is an opportunity to bless. 

Philippians 4:11-13 

G I V E 

it's a matter of the heart 

>--->--->--->--->

We need to CrUsH coveting with contentment!!

•Coveting- I want what I want. 

•Contentment- I want what God wants. 

L I F E

It's a battle between the coveting & the content. 

IT'S A HEART ISSUE. 

Crushing our earthly desires doesn't solve coveting. 

Change your desires to be God's desires. 

Seek after God. 

You can't ever be too obsessed with Him. 

Feed and nourish your Holy | God desires. 

Learning about the 

TEN COMMANDMENTS 

Has showed me :: 

1. God is an amazing father. His instruction stands the test of time and generations. And is and will always be relevant. 

2. Jesus is incredible. He didn't break any commandments internally or externally. 

Jesus is God, perfect and pure of heart. 

We are ao unlike Him. 

That's why we need Him. 

3. God sent us the Holy Spirit. He causes us to have a new heart and a new nature.  The Holy Spirit changes our desires to match the father heart if God. 

God's heart is big enough for all of mankind. 

Yield to your desires and become more like Jesus. 

And you will have greater 

J O Y

SIDE NOTE

Advice >--->--->

Ask your kids every Sunday after church

>>---->>

What is your take away? What did God teach you today?