Feelings...

Do you have someone in your life that you compare yourself to? I do. It is someone that will always be in my life. And it seems that no matter what I do. I make mistakes and this person is perfect. It is something I struggle with. Every  now and then it creeps up on me pretty intensely. Usually because this person ALWAYS says all the right things without reading their Bible. Without going to church. Without relying on Jesus to help them with their lives. I do all of those things. I pray constantly. But it doesn't change that I constantly mess things up and make a fool of myself. But this person seems to constantly be in control of themselves and never over steps their bounds. Sometimes, I would like to know what the heck is wrong with me? Or if I need to read my Bible more and pray more. And just talk less and just be less myself. I don't know how to exactly explain. I pray all the time to not compare myself to this person but sometimes things happen and I just mess up. And this person is let down by me. It is so hard. And sometimes it is just plain hard to be me. I don't mean my life is hard. I mean being ME. The person  that I am. I am not perfect. I definitely don't look perfect on the outside and I often don't act very well. I am loud, I freak out.. I lose my temper. I pray for these things to change. And for me to be better but man oh man, change is hard. It is easy to get discouraged. Especially, now, while I am pregnant. I feel that it has been extra hard. I have reverted to many of my old habits. And it is so annoying, I keep praying for patience and peace. But it seems the hormones are powerful. Thankfully, Kaleb is a big help with everything. He has been so kind and sweet to me even when I don't feel quite myself.. I just need to remember that the words in this photo are true. And I just simply need to rely more on Christ and talk less. 

Ok, done venting.