When Cindy met Rob, she knew that even though he attended church, he didn't share her convictions about premarital sex. Rob thought it was OK—and even good for dating couples to engage in—and Cindy believed it was wrong from a Christian perspective.
As their friendship progressed, Cindy and Rob's opposing viewpoints caused some hot debates. It also forced them both to take a second look at their convictions. As a result, Cindy developed a deeper understanding of truth, and Rob was forced to face the lies he'd always believed.
If you're like Cindy or Rob, and you've taken a stand for (or against) premarital sex, but you're not sure why, here are some things to consider.
Scripture is Outdated, Right?
Like many singles, Rob thinks the Scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. "Those parts of the Bible aren't relevant to today," he told Cindy. "After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn't have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now."In response to Rob's argument, Cindy found Scriptures about sexual purity and showed them to him. When Cindy read 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28, all which condemn sex before marriage, she asked Rob, "Are these Scriptures relevant to today?" "Nope," Rob responded.
"Do you have a pair of scissors?" Cindy asked.
"Why?
"You're crazy," Rob responded.
For example, if sex before marriage is okay because people supposedly can't control themselves, then it must be okay to engage in pornography, too, right? After all, the temptation to watch and participate in porn abounds like it didn't in Bible times.
Not surprisingly, when Cindy asked Rob if it was OK to engage in pornography, his theology changed. "Pornography isn't okay because it's damaging to the people who are doing it, and it's not very Christian."
Why does Rob have a schizophrenic view of purity and of the Bible's commandments?
Additionally, if scriptures in the Bible became untrue because people can't control their desires, then we'd also have to cut out the commandments on stealing, lying, cheating and having affairs.
Doesn't Sex Produce Intimacy?
During their discussions about premarital sex, Rob insisted that it was good to engage in sex with a dating partner because "it brings you closer."Cindy believes that this is true, and not true. On one hand, the Bible says that sex causes "two people to become one." Therefore, it's more than just a physical act, it's also a spiritual encounter (Mark 10:6-9).
Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a "chemical cocktail" that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.
On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.
Alice Fryling, in an article titled, Why Wait for Sex? writes:
Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer for Christianity Today, sited a study of 100,000 women that linked "early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem.""Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."
So what does this mean? If Rob tries to convince Cindy, or any woman, that sex will actually help their relationship, she might want to think again before consenting. While premarital sex does produce a short-lived chemical cocktail in the brain, there is no guarantee that it will produce long-term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction.
(this is a sad statistic in the video to the left)
Can't Sex Help You Determine Compatibility?
Rob told Cindy he felt it was unreasonable to expect him to abstain from sex before marriage because no one would buy a car without test driving it; so he couldn't imagine committing to marriage without taking a "sex test drive."When Cindy suggested to Rob that his "test drive" mentality could lead him to compare his wife's sexual performance with his other partners, he denied it. "No, I wouldn't," he adamantly said.
However, his logic is faulty. Here's why: If it was true that Rob wouldn't struggle with comparison, why would he need to "test drive" anything? After all, if he'd never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who hasn't ever seen or driven more than one car doesn't know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.
Partners can also feel threatened if they think their mate could be comparing them with previous partners.
When Cindy randomly asked 10 women at work if they would be worried that their husband was comparing them if he'd had intercourse with multiple women before marriage, 80 percent of them said yes.
This provides a strong argument to abstain from sex before marriage to protect the emotional safety that your spouse will need to feel in marriage.
Hope and Restoration After Premarital Sex
Perhaps you're asking, "What if, like Rob, I'm guilty of sexual sin?"The first thing to remember is that no sexual sin is beyond God's forgiveness. Thankfully, He doesn't withhold forgiveness or grace from those who ask for it.
I John 1:9 promises that if you confess your sins, that He is faithful to forgive and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Note: This includes all sin, and does not exclude sexual sin. Psalm 103: 12 also promises, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us."
In addition to forgiveness, God wants you to embrace His grace that will help you move forward in life and embrace the promises He has for you with joy. In spite of your choices, God wants to bring you relational fulfillment.
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http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/sexandthebible.htm
Current movies, books, television shows and magazines are full of impressions and suggestions about sex. We have examples all around us of couples engaging in premarital and extra-marital sex. There's no way around it—today's culture fills our minds with hundreds of reasons to just go ahead and have sex outside of marriage. But as Christians, we don't want to simply follow everyone else. We want to follow Christ and know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage.
10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage
Reason #1 - God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage
In the seventh of God's Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.- Deuteronomy 28:1-3
If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God ... (NIV)
Reason #2 - We Won't Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night
There's something very special about a couple's first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness — a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don't wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.- 1 Corinthians 6:16
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." (The Message)
Reason #3 - We Will Be Spiritually Healthier
If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.- Romans 8:8,13
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live ... (NIV)
Reason #4 - We Will Be Physically Healthier
This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.- 1 Corinthians 6:18
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)
Reason #5 - We Will Be Emotionally Healthier
One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn't mean we're free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.- Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)
Reason #6 - We Will Show Consideration for Our Partner's Well-Being
If we put our partner's needs above our own and consider their spiritual well-being, we'll be compelled to wait for sex. We, like God, will want what's best for them.- Ephesians 5:2
Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (NLT) Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (NASB)
Reason #7 - Waiting is a Test of True Love
Love is patient. That's about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner's love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking ... (NIV)
Reason #8 - We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With
There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends — these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.Reason #9 - We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact
We don't set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12 to "be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." (NIV)In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to "salt" and "light" when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our "saltiness." In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ. Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.
Reason #10 - We Won't Settle For Less Than God's Perfect Will
When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God's perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don't know what we might end up with. Perhaps we'll end up in a miserable marriage.So, here's some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.
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