My Birthday Blessing

Meet Felicity

This is what I wrote on Instagram ::: I just love her so much! Once I learned the whole story of how she came into my possession, I am even more thankful. And I amazed at how much God pays attention. He knows that there are still parts of my heart that need healing. And when we let Him in and let Him guide us, God works things out. He fills the broken parts of us with love and attention. It may seem small to everyone else, but for me, it's really healing my heart to see that my Father in Heaven sees ME & knows ME. And he cares about the heart of that little girl I was. The little girl who needed attention from the one person who wasn't willing to give it. God saw her and in His time he has made me feel important. God used my husband and a dear friend to heal a part of my heart that I didn't even know was wounded.

I wanted to expand on this story.. And share my heart with anyone who reads this...

The story is as follows. 

My dear friend Rachel was in search of an American Girl doll for her daughter. She happened to check a Facebook selling site, at just the right moment. And she felt she should buy this doll. She had a strong feeling that she should buy it. 

In Hind sight, that was the Holy Spirit urging her to purchase this doll. 

She purchased the doll. And in the mean time, her daughter told her that she really wants a blonde one. A doll named Kirsten. That is retired but can be found online. And then later, her daughter saw the doll in a bag in the bedroom. And my friend told her daughter that she had purchased the brown haired doll before she knew that she wanted a blonde one. And she then asked her daughter if giving it to me would be a good idea, since my Birthday was coming up. 

So then my friend conspired with my husband. 

So cool! 

So then my friend came down to visit us and unannounced to me she snuck it into my husband's computer room. It just goes to show that when you are unaware of something, you don't see the sneaking. 

My Birthday was Wednesday, my husband just went about our normal day. We hiked and had a great time posing for some fun photos. (see previous post)

Then yesterday he said, "Oh I have something for you!" and then he proceeded to run to his car. 

He came back with a big bag. And pulled this beautiful doll out of the bag. 

I was stunned. Seriously, I was in awe. I was like what is this? Where did you? Is this real? Is she real? Is that an AMERICAN GIRL DOLL?! 

My poor husband had no idea how special these dolls are to little girls, how special it is to me! 

I cried. I was and am so happy! 

As I have contemplated how special and how spiritually healing this gift has been for me, I am so moved. I am truly overwhelmed. 

God pays attention to us. 

The back story is this, I had friends who owned American Girl dolls. I always wanted one. It was something I would have cherished. My little girl self, would have taken such good care of a doll. 

I do not often write about this subject because it is hard to be gracious. 

Alcohol has a grip on my dad. It has for all of my life. 

It leaves a daughter feeling sad and alone. It leaves us craving attention. Because we didn't get enough, if any from our earthly father. 

I don't like to write about this because they aren't my sins. And I don't like to talk badly about my father. It isn't right. 

I know that I don't have to go into tons of details. 

The bottom line is God sees. 

He sees us all. 

He knows us all. 

He saw my heart breaking as a tiny person. 

He saw my heart break as a young girl. 

He saw it break as a teenager. 

I was always a little jealous of girls who owned American Girl dolls. There was always anger at my dad for not buying me one. I was a kid. I didn't understand things. There was also guilt for being envious of other's possessions. I knew I should be happy with the toys and things I did have. And I was and I still am. 

I sit here truly amazed at my God. 

This is what I needed. I needed a boost of confidence. I needed something to remind me that I am on the right path in life. I know I am, but it is easy to start to feel weary. 

Choosing Jesus is lonely. Yes, I know God is always near. But physically, it can be lonely. It is a narrow road to walk. 

I am happy to walk it. 

But this gesture from God, has moved me. And I can feel it has healed something inside of my soul. Something in the deep recesses of my being has been restored. God has fixed that specific broken part of who I am. He has reminded me of my childhood self, and how He was listening to my prayers. 

We often sit back and think that God doesn't care about our wants. Because they are superficial or they aren't necessary. But this just proves to me that, that thinking can be damaging to our minds. 

God does care. 

He sees. 

He saw that small girl sitting in her room looking at an American Girl catalog, drawing hearts around things, and day dreaming about combing the hair of her own special doll. 

Now, I can heal. I can let go of the anger and resentment I know was being held inside. I can set that at the foot of the cross. 

I can be free from those feelings. 

What amazes me, is I didn't even know those feelings were hiding in there. But there they were. God knew, that here and now, I am mature enough and ready to deal with the feelings. 

That American Girl doll, represents a new beginning, a new chapter in my walk with Christ. 

God saw my heart as a child, and in HIS timing He gave me what my childhood heart needed. 

It just proves to me that everything fits together so perfectly. If only we were always willing to wait and let Him work His Godly magic. 

Seriously, how many things do we miss out on because we don't take time to see the beauty. 

The beauty in the small things. 

I wept as I told my husband about how much this doll means to me. 

I could barely utter the words "I wanted one so badly and God saw that and it mattered to Him, because I matter to Him." 

And I am crying again as I type this. 

I pray that through this story you take the time to search your heart. 

If you haven't yet let Jesus into your life. 

Give Him a chance to change your heart with a love so deep and so wide! 

Lord, thank you, for your love. Thank you, for paying attention to each and every one of your children. Thank you, for being a God of second chances, third, fourth, fifth (etc) chances. Thank you, for working through others to bring joy and healing to my heart. Thank you, for Jesus. 

I pray that if anyone is reading this, that they would know that they know, that You are God. You are real.. And YOU CARE. You care so deeply, you sent your son to die while we were still sinners. We didn't have to change before you sent Jesus, you sent him because you love us. 

I pray that anyone who reads this will sit back and close their eyes and truly take stock of their life. And I pray they KNOW that you are for THEM. You see them just as they are and you love them. 

Believing in your son will save them and guarantee them an inheritance in Heaven. 

I pray all of this in the precious and Holy name of Jesus. 

AMEN

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8